Unpacking Some 'E.T.opia' Baggage -- 7 Months Home

We have been a family of 6 for just over 7 months now, and, life is really amazing! So many wonderful things have happened to us since my last post 3 months ago... so many more firsts, many new milestones, and many new family growing pains. God continues to weave together His beautiful story tapestry in our lives, as we live this life for Him!

We recently felt convicted by God to have Asher baptized! It was no coincidence to us that the day he got baptized was the day that he was home with us for 6 months exactly. It was a wonderful way to mark that day! We all woke up feeling so poured into by God. There was a calm that morning, a peace that said, "Rest in ME today!" If your Sunday mornings are anything like ours, throwing shoes, coats and clothes on and gobbling our food, as we run out the door, as we try to make it to church on time, then, you know that peace on that day can only come from God :) We got to church early, yep, a small assembly line had to happen that night to prepare for an organized run, but it was all good.

We greeted family and friends that came to share in Asher's special day. I mean to say, all of the praying and pleading to God from us and our family and friends the last 2 1/2 years to get a referral, to get Asher home and then to acclimate Asher into our family, seemed to all be coming to a close, because, in reality, Asher's baptism was the true reason we all prayed so much for Asher to join our family in the first place... to become a child of God and be marked in that special covenant. Here is our little Muslim child, being marked by God! God, you are mighty to be praised! Hallelujah! There was not a dry eye in our family. Asher was sooooo ready for his special day. He knew it was special and that is was just for him :)

Our whole family got called to the front of the church by our minister. The waterworks began immediately for me, just seeing my little men, dressed up, hair done special, and surrounding their new brother in love! My husband grabbed my hand, and the minister began to speak about this being a symbolic time for everyone to take stock in the fact that we are all adopted into God's family. God will leave no one an orphan; He will come to us... Sniff, sniff! The water began to drizzle down Asher's forehead and clothes (funny side note here - I had put an overly, zealous amount of coconut oil on Asher's head that morning to moisturize and get him ready for his day, so the copious amount of water used to baptize Asher (I mean, we are talking handfuls) beaded off of his head as well as dripped - it was kind of comical, like his head was a forcefield for water - ha); I baptize you, Asher John Holwerda, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Our good friend played his guitar and sang "Kings and Queens" by Audio Adrenaline (a song that meant so much to us in our wait for Asher), while the slide show (that our oldest son put together with me - so special to see what pictures of our journey to and with Asher meant so much to him) of Asher played behind him. What a gift to be able to share with so many in our church and a keepsake we will always have to play for Asher days into the future to reassure him that God meant for him to be with us, reassure him that we love him, reassure him that he may not have grown in mommy's tummy, but that he did grow in our hearts!

Well, with baptism, came some unexpected dialogue with Asher about "E.T.opia", as he calls it. For 6 months, Asher has said nothing about his time in Ethiopia, and we have not asked - understood that he would talk when he was ready: able to trust us, able to find the right words, and be able to muster up the right emotions. The conversation about E.T.opia started one day after school, as we were talking about baptism and the water that the minister would put on Asher's head. Asher began in on a long conversation about taking baths and showers in Africa. It was just very matter-of-fact with straight details, but, we were floored that he was talking about it at ALL. This was huge, so we didn't press our luck by pressing him with any more questions at that time. After another week, Asher began talking about E.T.opia a lot: I ate mice; I had friends there; I got spankings; people used fire to cook food in their houses; the lights go out a lot there; me no like it there, me like it here now... The E.T.opia baggage slowly but surely seems to be getting unpacked. What a brave and trusting little boy for him to talk about his life there and, at the same time, rectify it with his life here. We pray that this "unpacking" continues to go well for Asher, and that we can be as supportive of him as he needs! Our other boys love to encourage life talk about E.T.opia out of Asher, so they are always asking shallow questions to get Asher to talk - so cute. They are curious, and so are we, but this totally has to be on Asher's terms, so we wait for more nuggets to come out of his "suitcase'!

We reunited Asher with the little boy he grew up with in his tribe and that was found with Asher in ET abandoned. The last time they saw each other was in Sept 2013, when we came to bring Asher home with us. When we left, both Asher and Segno cried. It was heartbreaking to separate them, but we knew they'd see each other again, as the family that adopted Segno lives only 4 hours away. God places so many wonderful new friends in your life because of adoption. It has been great to have this family in our life, sharing in the growing pains of our boys' lives. And, even though the boys were so shy with each other at first, but you could tell there was a knowing in each other's eyes that they share something no one else on this earth shares but the two of them. Thank you, God, that they will always have each other. Who knows where God will weave their stories together in the future!

Baptism and reuniting Asher and Segno were certainly two of the most important things we did with Asher in the last 3 months, but so was changing Asher's birth year. What I waited 6 months to do, because I think I was in paperwork denial, took only about 25 minutes to complete... We finally changed Asher's birth certificate. He is officially a 4 year old little boy and no longer a 6 year old. Many factors played into this change, as you may be curious about how we arrived at the decision (while changing older children's birthdates is uncommon, it is not rare)... Asher was assessed by a pediatrician in ET, when he was first found in March of 2013. This man put Asher at age 4. When we saw Asher for the first time in June 2013, we knew he was younger than his referral paperwork showed. He is a very tiny child. When Asher came home in Sept 2014, both our pediatric dentist and our pediatrician said that changing his birth year to reflect an age of 4 would certainly be appropriate. Yes, we are able to give Asher the gift of time, which is a huge victory for him emotionally, spiritually, physically, and academically!! We did not change his birthdate, just the year he was born. During the whole process of moving forward with our adoption, filling out paperwork, praying for our child and so on, and even though our home study was set for our family to accept a referral for a little boy or girl age 2-6, God gave me my heart's desire. I prayed for a 4 year old little boy, and that is exactly what God gave to us! Oh, God is so GOOD! That part of Asher's E.T.opia life can now be unpacked. He boldly tells everyone he is 4 :) Asher now has an official Michigan birth certificate that reflects his new age, and he has a social security number. You can't get more American than that :) All "adoption" matters are now closed and finalized. There is no more paperwork or details to work through. He is officially a Holwerda in every legal sense! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy. That is a huge burden lifted.

The day-to-day routine in our lives seems to be settling in. That has been great for ALL of us. Asher continues to do well in school and continues to love going there, on the bus especially. He refers to himself in the 3rd-person always, which is so cute that I don't have it in me to correct him or work on that right now, "Asher me want you, Mommy, to picture me!" So cute. All the kids at school just love on him. He really is like a little rock star there. Kids I don't know or have never seen before ask for high fives from him daily and say, "That is Asher's mommy", when I walk down the hallways with or without Asher. It is so beautiful that so many have embraced our little guy. He tells everyone that asks or doesn't ask that he is 4 1/2. Oh, that half is so important. Some things are cross-culture - HA! Since, he is officially 4 with an October birthday, he will repeat young 5's next year. He finally will have a spot in school that makes sense and will be able to fully invest himself in friendships that can last throughout his schooling. So excited to begin anew next year, just like all of our other kids :)

At home, our family continues to go through some growing pains, especially between Asher and Chase, our 2 youngest. That relationship has been more slow to grow. There is competition there and there is a child who has been the baby of our family for 9 years. Chase is an extreme toe-head, very bright white hair. He has always had people touching his hair. Now, everyone wants to touch Asher's hair. Chase is so used to having everyone play with him; he is not used to having to initiate and be the leader in play. Chase wants to enfold his brother, and Asher wants to play with Chase (their personalities are so opposite, that they will make amazing playmates one day). Asher loves on his older 2 brothers, like they are his 2nd and 3rd dads. As a mom to all boys, those relationships mean so much for me to see, how our boys will be with their own children some day. They could be tired from a full day of school and sports practice, but they always greet Asher with a big hug and rough housing and smiles. The boys all really love one another so much and in such a short amount of time. It is so beautiful to see that relationship and love grow right before our eyes :) God not only chose us to adopt Asher into our family, but he chose our boys, too, to be big brothers, and God has prepared their hearts to love Asher!!! Sooooo good :)

A fun side note: Asher loves and is quite obsessed with our hair (my hair, the boys' hair, etc.). He plays with it, brushes it constantly (I, of course LOVE that - oh my word), just loves the way it moves. He says, "Asher's hair no move, Mom. Asher's hair sits still. Holwerda's hair is alive, Mom!" So cute, but so astute for a 4 year old to pick up on that difference. Makes us smile and makes us a bit mindful of that difference between he and us, but we love moments of recognition like this as we move to embrace it. Other fun things come out, too, like how Asher is "dark", and we are "pink". Ashers's palms and the bottoms of his feet are like ours - pink. When Asher scrapes his skin, he is like us, white inside :) We love his differences and celebrate how God has made him unique!

Today, April 24, 2014, marks 1 year since we saw Asher's sweet referral picture for the first time! I will never forget that referral phone call. I was so nervous. I was so excited. I tried to listen to every word - soak it in. To finally hear the words, we have a referral for your family of a 5 year old little boy (IT'S A BOY - ahhhhhh, we were to have 4 boys in our family - yay, God), and finally glimpse the face of the child that God picked just for us before we were born and through the hardships, challenges and joys of the last 2 years, it was so surreal! We finally got to say yes to God's call by accepting the referral and finally got to dream of a future with a little boy named Ashagre. It was almost too much goodness to take in!! Then, we got to tell our boys. Do you think boy or girl? Conner - boy. Carson - boy. Chase - boy! Ha! They knew! Then, we got to show Asher's picture to them. Conner - cried. Carson - fist pump in the air. Chase - "Hmmmmm, Mom and Dad, he looks so scared. Can you go get him soon, so he can know us and not be scared?!" Yes, Chase, that is the plan :) 2 months later, we went on our first trip to meet Asher and finalize the Ethiopian end of our adoption. 3 months after that, we went to E.T.opia to bring Asher HOME!

And, God's story is still not done :) We continue to live it out, the plans He has for our lives as a family of 6, unpacking the E.T.opia baggage one day at a time!! Thank you, God!!