After not getting submitted to the US Embassy on July 11, like all of the other families that we had traveled with, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself those first few days of finding out about this crazy investigation of our case by the MOWCYA. We were preparing for the worst... Should we expect Asher home by Thanksgiving? Should we expect him home by Christmas? I had just bought a few pairs of shorts and short sleeve shirts from Meijer for him the week before, so confident that he would be home by summer's end. Should I return all of those things and start looking at winter coats and boots instead?
Needless to say, I was feeling such sadness, anger, and panic about this timing and the unknowns of this investigation... that God's plan was not working out on MY time table. Why us? Why Asher? 'Oh Sara, you are such a flawed woman. Hadn't God just taught you about His perfect timing in ALL things?' I was having a difficult time rectifying these thoughts in my head, because I know what I was thinking was NOT truth!! God eventually settled me back into the "wait" with a few running conversations we had... I love those sweet, meditative times on the open road with just God and I. He told me to remember that He has the perfect date picked out for our reuniting with Asher. It WILL be better than anything we could imagine, so please just take care of each day you wake up... one day at a time... baby steps. This whole adoption process (from beginning to end) is truly out of your control, so just trust in me, and I will give you what you need each and every day you wake up - my mercies and grace will be new every morning! Thank you, God. Again, I am a flawed woman for having such doubt, when I know the truth, but God has NEVER given up on me. Thank you, God!!!
Then, last week, we got word from our case worker that Asher's passport, birth certificate and medical check were performed. Hmmmm? Our case WAS moving forward?! Yes, if the TB test came back negative, we would be submitted to the Embassy on Thursday, July 25. Asher's TB test came back negative on Monday, July 22. We got submitted to the Embassy, so that they can begin the processing of Asher's paperwork for him to become an American citizen - only 2 weeks behind all of the families we traveled with that got submitted on July 11 :) Oh happy day... That email came with immediate butterflies in my stomach. At the perfect, God-ordained time, we were beginning to move closer to our son with baby steps forward!!
After this submission, the Embassy sets up an interview with Asher's dad. For birth parent court back in May, this appointment did not go well, as Asher's dad did not show for 2 weeks, so we are cautiously, hopeful (because nothing more can happen in our case, until this interview is complete), that things will be better this time around. Asher's dad has to get to Addis for this interview by a 2-day bus ride - both expensive and physically difficult. Can you imagine having to go to Florida standing up much of the way, getting no stop in between to sleep in a hotel, and then be packed in like sardines? That is just a little taste of what he has to endure. This is going to be a tough journey... including that this will be his 2nd trip to the city to say again that he does not want his child! I can not imagine...
We are praying for that man's heart. We are praying that he can make this journey on time one more time!
We continue to pray for Asher's heart and his emotional healing, as he makes the journey to America and leaves the comfort and security of EVERYTHING he has ever known to go with us, the strange but nice, white people that are now going to be his family. Oh, what will go through his mind, as we get on that airplane to fly home?! I think constantly of the resilience of children and that God will be filling up his heart for what he needs each and every day, not just while he is in Africa. God will especially do that as he wakes up in his new room under our roof. His mercies and grace will be new for Asher each and every morning.
Maybe you would be willing to pray this prayer over Asher (a dear friend gave it to me, and it is so powerful):
Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for entrusting Asher to us (the Holwerda family) as our (their) adopted child. We declare Asher to be under Your authority. We dedicate this child to you and ask for Your protection and guidance, as we commit ourselves to doing all that we can to lead him to an understanding of Your saving grace. We stand against all devices of Satan that you would keep Asher in bondage. We renounce the sins of this child's ancestors and all curses that have been passed on from generation to generation. We announce that Christ became a curse for Asher, when he was crucified on the cross. We announce that only the Lord Jesus Christ has any claim of ownership on him. We pray a hedge of protection around Asher all the days of his life. We ask this in the strong name of Jesus, who reigns supreme as the sovereign Lord of the universe. Amen
God continues to dazzle us, even through our earthly hardships! Even though we may fall because of our sin and give into Satan's doubt, fear and anxiety about plans not working out or trust that God has this all figured out. God does not condemn us for this; instead, we serve a God that is a God of love, truth, grace and mercy. He never lets you fall completely! He always has our backs, even when we don't feel worthy, because we give into the fear, guilt, or anxiety. To know God has Asher, one of 147 million orphans around the world, in His grip, is so freeing! Thank you, God, for holding firm to Asher in this wait, and for holding us firm as well!
Blessings!
Friday, July 26, 2013
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Risk Management
We have been home from Ethiopia for just over 3 weeks now. I have sat down at the computer at least 3 times since being home to try to write about what we saw, what we experienced, and what God did through us and for us, but the words have not been there. However, I feel it is time to just set our experience free :) This trip will ALWAYS rummage through my heart and my mind, so I hope you enjoy and are changed by the wild ride God put us on...
Our trip to ET was definitely a trip of a lifetime. For me, this whole adoption journey from its start in November 2011 until now has been one ginormous leap off of a 40 + year old diving board... leap of faith into the unknown. I have lived my life as a risk manager, assessing risk every day of my life, and this journey would not be one I would have taken if God hadn't set me free and changed my heart the year I turned 40 to be equipped to do it. I seriously became a new Christian then, as I hit mediocrity rock bottom and cried out to God to change my heart and help me see more of what God could do to use me for His kingdom. This was risky behavior, reckless even, asking God to use me. I was ready, because our risk-free, safe life was sucking the joy out of me, and I felt completely out of touch in our beautiful home with our good health, stocked food pantry, and packed closets. What was wrong with me? We have everything going for us. Why was I living life just going through the motions? Wasn't this lifestyle supposed to be fulfilling now that we had hit our stride?
God showed me that there could be more to life then mediocrity... There could and would be an abundantly fulfilling life, if I/we followed Him. God prepared my heart to throw risk to the wind and take up the cross. He called our family in 2011 to adopt one of the millions of orphans in this world. What could be difficult about that calling? We have a house equipped for more. We have the financing. Our hearts are open. We are stepping out in faith. We are enfolding a child into our family that will know the love of Jesus Christ. We are showing our kids faith in action. We have been closer to God in this journey than ever before in our lives, getting glimpses of abundant life in Him that we'd never experienced before through many blessings all ready. We have had countless people help us through prayer, finances, donations and general support throughout our journey, humbling us and feeling God's presence... Again, what is hard about that? Well, God promises blessings beyond measure when you follow Him, but in a fallen world, these blessings do not come without some risk and cost and difficult paths...
Flash back to June 13, 2013... the day we left for Ethiopia. My husband and I had never left our children for more than 2 nights since our oldest was born. I was kind of a mess (okay, I was a total wreck, if I am honest) to leave them and get on a plane, where, as you now know about me, is a risk I assessed BIG time - 17 hours of plane travel - ugh. God was stretching me in that leap into the unknown. I could not manage this trip by myself, even with good, "happy place" medication. Only God could manage it... He set me free to enjoy the ride and have peace to leave our kids for the next 9 days, as soon as that first plane door closed...
We touched down on ET soil on June 15th at 6am. It was a surreal feeling. I was growing more anxious by the minute to see Asher, but we learned right then and there that things in Ethiopia run on "Ethiopian time" :) We got to our hotel room after the craziest bus ride we had ever taken (I can't even explain in words how crazy traffic is there, but, suffice it to say, I about kissed the ground when I got to the hotel only 15 minutes from the airport - lol). JJ and I sat in our room asking each other, "Now what do we do?" It was 9am. We had no one to call really. We had no itinerary. We just had to wait... for what, we hoped we'd get to see our son! We took in the sights from our hotel balcony and marveled at the city: its people, the smell that only someone who has been there can describe or "appreciate", the trash, the dirty streets! However, I couldn't help but see God in each of the faces everywhere we looked - a city with a population of 1 million people and 95% unemployment. It was almost too much... soooo much poverty in one place that seemed to scream at me from every direction. Oh God, break my heart for what breaks yours!
JJ and I fell asleep, only to be woken up by telephone by Alemu, our amazing adoption "manager" for the week, saying on the the other line, "Do you want to visit your son?" Holy cow. I was half asleep and now I had immediate butterflies in my stomach! Ahhhh... Alemu met us downstairs and drove us to Jane's House for the first time. I remember thinking, 'Oh my goodness, I can't believe we are at this point in our journey. We are going to see our SON! WE ARE GOING TO SEE OUR SON!'
The gate doors opened up on a 2000+ square foot cement compound with 8-10 foot cement-block walls and a cement ground. The courtyard was empty, save for line after line of drying children's clothes. JJ and I walked hand-in-hand into the orphanage house, because the courtyard was empty, and there stood Asher in the hallway... doe-eyed and smiling up at us. He was real and right in front of us. JJ and I looked at each other and said now what? All of the other older children lead us into a room, where we sat down at a table to give him the gifts we brought: the pictures Conner, Carson and Chase had drawn for him of what they were most excited to do with Asher when he came home, a photo album with family pictures, including our dog and pictures of he with his orphanage friends, suckers, Matchbox cars, silly bands, a baseball hat, and sunglasses. He loved the photo album. JJ and I looked at each other and the tears began. We both were in awe of this sweet, little boy we had prayed so desperately for the last 2 years of our lives! The risk management I had practiced with my heart the last 2 years, completely melted away. I could breathe for the first time and allow myself to feel every emotion! Praise the LORD!
It may not have been a picture-perfect scene (especially as I look back and reflect on it now), like we had in our heads or had seen in other family's videos of this same moment! There was no nanny to bring in our boy; there was no anticipation or story book scenario of doors opening and us getting to smile, as Asher was presented to us. It was just Asher and us, sitting at a table. It was perfect for us. It was a short 2 hours, however, and Asher fought back tears when we left. 2 hours is not long enough. I didn't want to leave.
The next day, we got to go to an English-speaking, Episcopal Church with the Mulnix family from our adoption agency. It was great to meet with them, because their son and our son are such good buddies at the orphanage. They only live an hour away from us in Michigan. Thank you, God. We instantly felt comfortable with them, like we'd known each other for years and just knew we would be connected forever through our boys. What a beautiful picture of Brandon and JJ getting to spend Father's Day celebrating our Heavenly Father in church in Ethiopia, where both were becoming new Dad's in Him once again! Thank you, God. The church was packed, 2 stories. We enjoyed this worship time very much. Then it was on to have pizza! Must put a plug in for ET pizza - amazing!
We got to go back to the orphanage after lunch to see Asher. This time all the kiddos wanted to play. It was an amazing time of fun... playing soccer, playing tag, seeing where Asher sleeps, checking out the baby rooms, holding beautiful babies, and on and on. I sweat like crazy and was totally out of breath by the end of our short 1 hour visit, but our hearts were full being able to see such joy on the faces of such beautiful children and that we could be a part of that joy.
The next day, we got picked up at 6am to leave for an over night stay in Awassa... a 5 hour drive outside the city. We got to meet another wonderful Michigan family from our adoption agency, as we made the crazy van ride together. The drive to Awassa was so beautiful... totally what I pictured Africa to look like. It was full of rolling hills, mountains, beautiful, simple thatched-roof huts, people carrying sticks, grain, and everything by back, by wagon or by donkey, lush acacia trees dotted the landscape, bajah taxis (blue little, taxis that can carry 3 people - covered scooter, really) everywhere, people every mile along sometimes very desolate stretches of road. I was mesmerized. I was able to not risk manage this crazy rive, darting everywhere to avoid herds of animals, countless people, congested cities along the road, etc. God allowed me to relax and have peace and soak in the beauty created by God all around us. This is Asher's home!
When we got to Awassa, by the grace of God we got there safely, we met a few more families from our adoption agency that we got to share our Awassa experience with. We got to shop together, eat together, share a crazy van ride back to Addis all cramped up together, got to share their "See you laters" to their children together, which was the most special and humbling time of all, but we did not get the pleasure of sharing their resort together. JJ and I had budgeted a certain amount of money for our Awassa stay, and the resort, where all of those families got to stay, was not in our budget. When we saw it, however, we were totally in awe, and then our driver brought us to our "budget" hotel - bahahahaha. It looked nice, and it really was nice; however, it wasn't the luxurious resort, swimming pool, lush lake view resort we would have loved to stay at like the others. JJ and I totally chuckled at the difference - the have and have nots, we joked. On either side of our "really nice" hotel were rows and rows of metal houses. Again, God was breaking my heart for what breaks His. I could hardly rectify that we were in this great hotel that I had not necessarily deemed nice, and there was real life happening all around me, each and every day in metal houses with dirt floors! JJ and I had a great time of conversation and prayer about what we might bring away from this experience, what we would teach our kids. It was a really sweet time for JJ and I. But then...That night I got sick from lunch; it rained really hard, and we were on the 5th-floor of a 5-story hotel under a metal roof. Yep, no sleep that night, as the rain was so loud. Then, to make matters even more funny, the roof above our heads leaked, making our whole bed wet. It was kind of comical, especially because the leaks were coming through our recessed lights. Just have to laugh. Oh, the creature comforts we get used to!
We got back to Addis on Tuesday night, where we then got to go to a traditional Ethiopian dinner, complete with traditional dancers, singers, and band. We got to go to dinner with all of us adoptive families from our agency in the city. What a great experience!! The food was amazing, the atmosphere made me giddy. I threw all risk to the wind again about travel amongst strangers, eating new and foreign foods, and drinking Tej or honey wine. I was forewarned not to drink it, but, when in ET, one must drink the Tej - bahahaha. It was pretty horrible - very much an acquired taste. But, I did it and lived to write about it - legendary :)
Wednesday was court day. We spent the day with our "family", the other adoptive families that we, I think, can now call family :) We went to the International African Museum to see the remains of Lucy, the oldest set of human bones, that were dug up in ET. We saw many other great artifacts, artwork, and relics from ET's proud past. It was a great way to spend the morning, and it felt good to be amongst our son's heritage! Then, it was on for pizza again - yummmm - safe eats! Then it was on to court. As the Holwerda's never are able to do anything in a normal manner, our driver got lost. He had no idea where he was going; simply got into the car with all of us - 10 in total - and drove aimlessly, thinking he would find the Beole Region Africa High Court. Our appointment was for 2pm. We, of course, were late. Sheesh! We got herded into a small, hot room and waited for our names to be called. It was our turn - ahhhh! I had butterflies. We went in the room with the judge, 2 other families, and Alemu. We were asked 10 questions that we needed to answer yes or no to and then the last question came... Do you accept this adoption as final and forever? JJ and I looked at each other and began to choke down tears, as it came down to one answer.......... YES... A thousand times YES!!!! And just like that (in less than 5 minutes), Asher was legally a part of our family :) Thank you, Lord!
We left the high court after many hugs to each of the families there and numerous pictures, and headed to pick up Asher from the orphanage. Of course, our driver got lost AGAIN, and the 15 minute drive took over 45 minutes - the suspense was killing me. Come on! Asher was going to stay with us in our hotel until we had to leave for home! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! We were totally nervous to take him. I was nervous about how he would feel leaving his "home" and going with us, the strange, nice white folks he had just met. I was nervous about what we'd do with him when we got back to our hotel - this gift of being able to take him for a few days was a complete surprise to us. I was nervous, frankly, about whether or not he'd like us. He is stuck with us, and we are stuck with him. Okay, my risk management persona came out again to guard my heart for any let downs! I was on high risk management alert - LOL!
We took his hand from Jane's House and sat him on JJ's lap, so he could see outside, as we drove. I have never seen a bigger smile. He was so excited. He laughed as he took it all in. He loved the elevator ride up to our hotel. Then, reality set in. He got over stimulated at times, either from too much activity, not enough activity, or too much English in the room, all resulting in crying meltdowns. Could we blame him? We felt so bad. I tried to comfort him in his first meltdown, but he did not want me - got stiff armed and wouldn't let me pick him up. JJ could pick him up, however. That hurt. I had to cry it out in the bathroom, and buck up. At least he allowed one of us in! That was good - had to take it :) That night, we prepared a bed for him on the floor, but Asher wanted to sleep between us. That was it... My risk management persona melted away again, and I knew some day, this little boy was going to have my heart for keeps. He did trust us. Waking up to the next day would bring some more meltdowns, but there was so much happiness and joy in this little boy that I knew God would have us covered, as we grew into the family God intended us to be.
The rest of our time was sweet and wonderful and just perfect. We got to establish a little connection. We said our, 'See you laters' through Mulunesh, the head nurse that could translate for us. There was much sadness on our parts, but no tears. Our hearts were heavy but also relieved, because Asher was actually so happy to see his friends back at Jane's House. He is loved there, and it is what he knows. We felt good about knowing that in our long separation until we go back to scoop him up forever, he was right where he needed to be. God would continue to open his heart to accept us, and our hearts would grow closer to him in the wait. God is so good that way. A waiting Momma's heart for a child that is not born of our wombs is made to groan, yearn and love more fiercely in that wait. I know my heart does this daily for the one that is not yet a part of our family... So we wait, patiently. This wait is out of our control... Completely resting in Him, the One who knows our hearts and waits until the perfect time to bring us back together. It is a promise from Him that He will bless us all with that perfect timing.
Well, as I said earlier, God's timing is perfect, but this timing happens in a flawed world, so their are risks and hardships, when you step out to follow Him. We found out this past week, that our adoption case is put on hold. We would have cleared Embassy this week, like the rest of the adoptive families we shared our trip with, and be able to go back to ET to pick Asher up possibly by the end of July. This is not the news we wanted to get this week. There is an investigation going on in the region that Asher is from. I get the reasons... ET has a history of corruption, where adoptions are concerned, all in the name of making money: out-right theft of children, confusing families to take children to put up for adoption, etc. These investigations are for the greater good, but Asher has been legally relinquished. His father stood before a court to say this. We appeared in court to legally adopt him. He is ours. Why should we get caught up in this investigation? It only has to do with the fact that Asher is from the region being investigated. We have no date to go back. Asher sits in the orphange wondering why all of the other kids get to go home with their families, while he sits, waiting. Why??? Oh that picture just breaks my heart!
I am a risk manager again, guarding my heart!!! This adoption journey has had its share of blessings and hardships. We groan and yearn again, while we wait, in patience on Him, whose perfect plans for our family will blow our perfect plans out of the water! I wish I didn't have to guard my heart, but we are Christians in a flawed and fallen world.
Please pray for our journey to Asher, patience and peace as we wait on His timing. Pray for Asher's heart. Pray for all of those families stuck like us, wanting to follow through so badly the plans that God has laid out for them, but that are just stuck in the flawed, human adoption system. God will win out. HE ALWAYS does :) Thank you, Lord.
Blessings!
JJ and I fell asleep, only to be woken up by telephone by Alemu, our amazing adoption "manager" for the week, saying on the the other line, "Do you want to visit your son?" Holy cow. I was half asleep and now I had immediate butterflies in my stomach! Ahhhh... Alemu met us downstairs and drove us to Jane's House for the first time. I remember thinking, 'Oh my goodness, I can't believe we are at this point in our journey. We are going to see our SON! WE ARE GOING TO SEE OUR SON!'
The gate doors opened up on a 2000+ square foot cement compound with 8-10 foot cement-block walls and a cement ground. The courtyard was empty, save for line after line of drying children's clothes. JJ and I walked hand-in-hand into the orphanage house, because the courtyard was empty, and there stood Asher in the hallway... doe-eyed and smiling up at us. He was real and right in front of us. JJ and I looked at each other and said now what? All of the other older children lead us into a room, where we sat down at a table to give him the gifts we brought: the pictures Conner, Carson and Chase had drawn for him of what they were most excited to do with Asher when he came home, a photo album with family pictures, including our dog and pictures of he with his orphanage friends, suckers, Matchbox cars, silly bands, a baseball hat, and sunglasses. He loved the photo album. JJ and I looked at each other and the tears began. We both were in awe of this sweet, little boy we had prayed so desperately for the last 2 years of our lives! The risk management I had practiced with my heart the last 2 years, completely melted away. I could breathe for the first time and allow myself to feel every emotion! Praise the LORD!
It may not have been a picture-perfect scene (especially as I look back and reflect on it now), like we had in our heads or had seen in other family's videos of this same moment! There was no nanny to bring in our boy; there was no anticipation or story book scenario of doors opening and us getting to smile, as Asher was presented to us. It was just Asher and us, sitting at a table. It was perfect for us. It was a short 2 hours, however, and Asher fought back tears when we left. 2 hours is not long enough. I didn't want to leave.
The next day, we got to go to an English-speaking, Episcopal Church with the Mulnix family from our adoption agency. It was great to meet with them, because their son and our son are such good buddies at the orphanage. They only live an hour away from us in Michigan. Thank you, God. We instantly felt comfortable with them, like we'd known each other for years and just knew we would be connected forever through our boys. What a beautiful picture of Brandon and JJ getting to spend Father's Day celebrating our Heavenly Father in church in Ethiopia, where both were becoming new Dad's in Him once again! Thank you, God. The church was packed, 2 stories. We enjoyed this worship time very much. Then it was on to have pizza! Must put a plug in for ET pizza - amazing!
We got to go back to the orphanage after lunch to see Asher. This time all the kiddos wanted to play. It was an amazing time of fun... playing soccer, playing tag, seeing where Asher sleeps, checking out the baby rooms, holding beautiful babies, and on and on. I sweat like crazy and was totally out of breath by the end of our short 1 hour visit, but our hearts were full being able to see such joy on the faces of such beautiful children and that we could be a part of that joy.
The next day, we got picked up at 6am to leave for an over night stay in Awassa... a 5 hour drive outside the city. We got to meet another wonderful Michigan family from our adoption agency, as we made the crazy van ride together. The drive to Awassa was so beautiful... totally what I pictured Africa to look like. It was full of rolling hills, mountains, beautiful, simple thatched-roof huts, people carrying sticks, grain, and everything by back, by wagon or by donkey, lush acacia trees dotted the landscape, bajah taxis (blue little, taxis that can carry 3 people - covered scooter, really) everywhere, people every mile along sometimes very desolate stretches of road. I was mesmerized. I was able to not risk manage this crazy rive, darting everywhere to avoid herds of animals, countless people, congested cities along the road, etc. God allowed me to relax and have peace and soak in the beauty created by God all around us. This is Asher's home!
When we got to Awassa, by the grace of God we got there safely, we met a few more families from our adoption agency that we got to share our Awassa experience with. We got to shop together, eat together, share a crazy van ride back to Addis all cramped up together, got to share their "See you laters" to their children together, which was the most special and humbling time of all, but we did not get the pleasure of sharing their resort together. JJ and I had budgeted a certain amount of money for our Awassa stay, and the resort, where all of those families got to stay, was not in our budget. When we saw it, however, we were totally in awe, and then our driver brought us to our "budget" hotel - bahahahaha. It looked nice, and it really was nice; however, it wasn't the luxurious resort, swimming pool, lush lake view resort we would have loved to stay at like the others. JJ and I totally chuckled at the difference - the have and have nots, we joked. On either side of our "really nice" hotel were rows and rows of metal houses. Again, God was breaking my heart for what breaks His. I could hardly rectify that we were in this great hotel that I had not necessarily deemed nice, and there was real life happening all around me, each and every day in metal houses with dirt floors! JJ and I had a great time of conversation and prayer about what we might bring away from this experience, what we would teach our kids. It was a really sweet time for JJ and I. But then...That night I got sick from lunch; it rained really hard, and we were on the 5th-floor of a 5-story hotel under a metal roof. Yep, no sleep that night, as the rain was so loud. Then, to make matters even more funny, the roof above our heads leaked, making our whole bed wet. It was kind of comical, especially because the leaks were coming through our recessed lights. Just have to laugh. Oh, the creature comforts we get used to!
We got back to Addis on Tuesday night, where we then got to go to a traditional Ethiopian dinner, complete with traditional dancers, singers, and band. We got to go to dinner with all of us adoptive families from our agency in the city. What a great experience!! The food was amazing, the atmosphere made me giddy. I threw all risk to the wind again about travel amongst strangers, eating new and foreign foods, and drinking Tej or honey wine. I was forewarned not to drink it, but, when in ET, one must drink the Tej - bahahaha. It was pretty horrible - very much an acquired taste. But, I did it and lived to write about it - legendary :)
Wednesday was court day. We spent the day with our "family", the other adoptive families that we, I think, can now call family :) We went to the International African Museum to see the remains of Lucy, the oldest set of human bones, that were dug up in ET. We saw many other great artifacts, artwork, and relics from ET's proud past. It was a great way to spend the morning, and it felt good to be amongst our son's heritage! Then, it was on for pizza again - yummmm - safe eats! Then it was on to court. As the Holwerda's never are able to do anything in a normal manner, our driver got lost. He had no idea where he was going; simply got into the car with all of us - 10 in total - and drove aimlessly, thinking he would find the Beole Region Africa High Court. Our appointment was for 2pm. We, of course, were late. Sheesh! We got herded into a small, hot room and waited for our names to be called. It was our turn - ahhhh! I had butterflies. We went in the room with the judge, 2 other families, and Alemu. We were asked 10 questions that we needed to answer yes or no to and then the last question came... Do you accept this adoption as final and forever? JJ and I looked at each other and began to choke down tears, as it came down to one answer.......... YES... A thousand times YES!!!! And just like that (in less than 5 minutes), Asher was legally a part of our family :) Thank you, Lord!
We left the high court after many hugs to each of the families there and numerous pictures, and headed to pick up Asher from the orphanage. Of course, our driver got lost AGAIN, and the 15 minute drive took over 45 minutes - the suspense was killing me. Come on! Asher was going to stay with us in our hotel until we had to leave for home! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! We were totally nervous to take him. I was nervous about how he would feel leaving his "home" and going with us, the strange, nice white folks he had just met. I was nervous about what we'd do with him when we got back to our hotel - this gift of being able to take him for a few days was a complete surprise to us. I was nervous, frankly, about whether or not he'd like us. He is stuck with us, and we are stuck with him. Okay, my risk management persona came out again to guard my heart for any let downs! I was on high risk management alert - LOL!
We took his hand from Jane's House and sat him on JJ's lap, so he could see outside, as we drove. I have never seen a bigger smile. He was so excited. He laughed as he took it all in. He loved the elevator ride up to our hotel. Then, reality set in. He got over stimulated at times, either from too much activity, not enough activity, or too much English in the room, all resulting in crying meltdowns. Could we blame him? We felt so bad. I tried to comfort him in his first meltdown, but he did not want me - got stiff armed and wouldn't let me pick him up. JJ could pick him up, however. That hurt. I had to cry it out in the bathroom, and buck up. At least he allowed one of us in! That was good - had to take it :) That night, we prepared a bed for him on the floor, but Asher wanted to sleep between us. That was it... My risk management persona melted away again, and I knew some day, this little boy was going to have my heart for keeps. He did trust us. Waking up to the next day would bring some more meltdowns, but there was so much happiness and joy in this little boy that I knew God would have us covered, as we grew into the family God intended us to be.
The rest of our time was sweet and wonderful and just perfect. We got to establish a little connection. We said our, 'See you laters' through Mulunesh, the head nurse that could translate for us. There was much sadness on our parts, but no tears. Our hearts were heavy but also relieved, because Asher was actually so happy to see his friends back at Jane's House. He is loved there, and it is what he knows. We felt good about knowing that in our long separation until we go back to scoop him up forever, he was right where he needed to be. God would continue to open his heart to accept us, and our hearts would grow closer to him in the wait. God is so good that way. A waiting Momma's heart for a child that is not born of our wombs is made to groan, yearn and love more fiercely in that wait. I know my heart does this daily for the one that is not yet a part of our family... So we wait, patiently. This wait is out of our control... Completely resting in Him, the One who knows our hearts and waits until the perfect time to bring us back together. It is a promise from Him that He will bless us all with that perfect timing.
Well, as I said earlier, God's timing is perfect, but this timing happens in a flawed world, so their are risks and hardships, when you step out to follow Him. We found out this past week, that our adoption case is put on hold. We would have cleared Embassy this week, like the rest of the adoptive families we shared our trip with, and be able to go back to ET to pick Asher up possibly by the end of July. This is not the news we wanted to get this week. There is an investigation going on in the region that Asher is from. I get the reasons... ET has a history of corruption, where adoptions are concerned, all in the name of making money: out-right theft of children, confusing families to take children to put up for adoption, etc. These investigations are for the greater good, but Asher has been legally relinquished. His father stood before a court to say this. We appeared in court to legally adopt him. He is ours. Why should we get caught up in this investigation? It only has to do with the fact that Asher is from the region being investigated. We have no date to go back. Asher sits in the orphange wondering why all of the other kids get to go home with their families, while he sits, waiting. Why??? Oh that picture just breaks my heart!
I am a risk manager again, guarding my heart!!! This adoption journey has had its share of blessings and hardships. We groan and yearn again, while we wait, in patience on Him, whose perfect plans for our family will blow our perfect plans out of the water! I wish I didn't have to guard my heart, but we are Christians in a flawed and fallen world.
Please pray for our journey to Asher, patience and peace as we wait on His timing. Pray for Asher's heart. Pray for all of those families stuck like us, wanting to follow through so badly the plans that God has laid out for them, but that are just stuck in the flawed, human adoption system. God will win out. HE ALWAYS does :) Thank you, Lord.
Blessings!
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