We have been a family of 6 for just over 7 months now, and, life is really amazing! So many wonderful things have happened to us since my last post 3 months ago... so many more firsts, many new milestones, and many new family growing pains. God continues to weave together His beautiful story tapestry in our lives, as we live this life for Him!
We recently felt convicted by God to have Asher baptized! It was no coincidence to us that the day he got baptized was the day that he was home with us for 6 months exactly. It was a wonderful way to mark that day! We all woke up feeling so poured into by God. There was a calm that morning, a peace that said, "Rest in ME today!" If your Sunday mornings are anything like ours, throwing shoes, coats and clothes on and gobbling our food, as we run out the door, as we try to make it to church on time, then, you know that peace on that day can only come from God :) We got to church early, yep, a small assembly line had to happen that night to prepare for an organized run, but it was all good.
We greeted family and friends that came to share in Asher's special day. I mean to say, all of the praying and pleading to God from us and our family and friends the last 2 1/2 years to get a referral, to get Asher home and then to acclimate Asher into our family, seemed to all be coming to a close, because, in reality, Asher's baptism was the true reason we all prayed so much for Asher to join our family in the first place... to become a child of God and be marked in that special covenant. Here is our little Muslim child, being marked by God! God, you are mighty to be praised! Hallelujah! There was not a dry eye in our family. Asher was sooooo ready for his special day. He knew it was special and that is was just for him :)
Our whole family got called to the front of the church by our minister. The waterworks began immediately for me, just seeing my little men, dressed up, hair done special, and surrounding their new brother in love! My husband grabbed my hand, and the minister began to speak about this being a symbolic time for everyone to take stock in the fact that we are all adopted into God's family. God will leave no one an orphan; He will come to us... Sniff, sniff! The water began to drizzle down Asher's forehead and clothes (funny side note here - I had put an overly, zealous amount of coconut oil on Asher's head that morning to moisturize and get him ready for his day, so the copious amount of water used to baptize Asher (I mean, we are talking handfuls) beaded off of his head as well as dripped - it was kind of comical, like his head was a forcefield for water - ha); I baptize you, Asher John Holwerda, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Our good friend played his guitar and sang "Kings and Queens" by Audio Adrenaline (a song that meant so much to us in our wait for Asher), while the slide show (that our oldest son put together with me - so special to see what pictures of our journey to and with Asher meant so much to him) of Asher played behind him. What a gift to be able to share with so many in our church and a keepsake we will always have to play for Asher days into the future to reassure him that God meant for him to be with us, reassure him that we love him, reassure him that he may not have grown in mommy's tummy, but that he did grow in our hearts!
Well, with baptism, came some unexpected dialogue with Asher about "E.T.opia", as he calls it. For 6 months, Asher has said nothing about his time in Ethiopia, and we have not asked - understood that he would talk when he was ready: able to trust us, able to find the right words, and be able to muster up the right emotions. The conversation about E.T.opia started one day after school, as we were talking about baptism and the water that the minister would put on Asher's head. Asher began in on a long conversation about taking baths and showers in Africa. It was just very matter-of-fact with straight details, but, we were floored that he was talking about it at ALL. This was huge, so we didn't press our luck by pressing him with any more questions at that time. After another week, Asher began talking about E.T.opia a lot: I ate mice; I had friends there; I got spankings; people used fire to cook food in their houses; the lights go out a lot there; me no like it there, me like it here now... The E.T.opia baggage slowly but surely seems to be getting unpacked. What a brave and trusting little boy for him to talk about his life there and, at the same time, rectify it with his life here. We pray that this "unpacking" continues to go well for Asher, and that we can be as supportive of him as he needs! Our other boys love to encourage life talk about E.T.opia out of Asher, so they are always asking shallow questions to get Asher to talk - so cute. They are curious, and so are we, but this totally has to be on Asher's terms, so we wait for more nuggets to come out of his "suitcase'!
We reunited Asher with the little boy he grew up with in his tribe and that was found with Asher in ET abandoned. The last time they saw each other was in Sept 2013, when we came to bring Asher home with us. When we left, both Asher and Segno cried. It was heartbreaking to separate them, but we knew they'd see each other again, as the family that adopted Segno lives only 4 hours away. God places so many wonderful new friends in your life because of adoption. It has been great to have this family in our life, sharing in the growing pains of our boys' lives. And, even though the boys were so shy with each other at first, but you could tell there was a knowing in each other's eyes that they share something no one else on this earth shares but the two of them. Thank you, God, that they will always have each other. Who knows where God will weave their stories together in the future!
Baptism and reuniting Asher and Segno were certainly two of the most important things we did with Asher in the last 3 months, but so was changing Asher's birth year. What I waited 6 months to do, because I think I was in paperwork denial, took only about 25 minutes to complete... We finally changed Asher's birth certificate. He is officially a 4 year old little boy and no longer a 6 year old. Many factors played into this change, as you may be curious about how we arrived at the decision (while changing older children's birthdates is uncommon, it is not rare)... Asher was assessed by a pediatrician in ET, when he was first found in March of 2013. This man put Asher at age 4. When we saw Asher for the first time in June 2013, we knew he was younger than his referral paperwork showed. He is a very tiny child. When Asher came home in Sept 2014, both our pediatric dentist and our pediatrician said that changing his birth year to reflect an age of 4 would certainly be appropriate. Yes, we are able to give Asher the gift of time, which is a huge victory for him emotionally, spiritually, physically, and academically!! We did not change his birthdate, just the year he was born. During the whole process of moving forward with our adoption, filling out paperwork, praying for our child and so on, and even though our home study was set for our family to accept a referral for a little boy or girl age 2-6, God gave me my heart's desire. I prayed for a 4 year old little boy, and that is exactly what God gave to us! Oh, God is so GOOD! That part of Asher's E.T.opia life can now be unpacked. He boldly tells everyone he is 4 :) Asher now has an official Michigan birth certificate that reflects his new age, and he has a social security number. You can't get more American than that :) All "adoption" matters are now closed and finalized. There is no more paperwork or details to work through. He is officially a Holwerda in every legal sense! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy. That is a huge burden lifted.
The day-to-day routine in our lives seems to be settling in. That has been great for ALL of us. Asher continues to do well in school and continues to love going there, on the bus especially. He refers to himself in the 3rd-person always, which is so cute that I don't have it in me to correct him or work on that right now, "Asher me want you, Mommy, to picture me!" So cute. All the kids at school just love on him. He really is like a little rock star there. Kids I don't know or have never seen before ask for high fives from him daily and say, "That is Asher's mommy", when I walk down the hallways with or without Asher. It is so beautiful that so many have embraced our little guy. He tells everyone that asks or doesn't ask that he is 4 1/2. Oh, that half is so important. Some things are cross-culture - HA! Since, he is officially 4 with an October birthday, he will repeat young 5's next year. He finally will have a spot in school that makes sense and will be able to fully invest himself in friendships that can last throughout his schooling. So excited to begin anew next year, just like all of our other kids :)
At home, our family continues to go through some growing pains, especially between Asher and Chase, our 2 youngest. That relationship has been more slow to grow. There is competition there and there is a child who has been the baby of our family for 9 years. Chase is an extreme toe-head, very bright white hair. He has always had people touching his hair. Now, everyone wants to touch Asher's hair. Chase is so used to having everyone play with him; he is not used to having to initiate and be the leader in play. Chase wants to enfold his brother, and Asher wants to play with Chase (their personalities are so opposite, that they will make amazing playmates one day). Asher loves on his older 2 brothers, like they are his 2nd and 3rd dads. As a mom to all boys, those relationships mean so much for me to see, how our boys will be with their own children some day. They could be tired from a full day of school and sports practice, but they always greet Asher with a big hug and rough housing and smiles. The boys all really love one another so much and in such a short amount of time. It is so beautiful to see that relationship and love grow right before our eyes :) God not only chose us to adopt Asher into our family, but he chose our boys, too, to be big brothers, and God has prepared their hearts to love Asher!!! Sooooo good :)
A fun side note: Asher loves and is quite obsessed with our hair (my hair, the boys' hair, etc.). He plays with it, brushes it constantly (I, of course LOVE that - oh my word), just loves the way it moves. He says, "Asher's hair no move, Mom. Asher's hair sits still. Holwerda's hair is alive, Mom!" So cute, but so astute for a 4 year old to pick up on that difference. Makes us smile and makes us a bit mindful of that difference between he and us, but we love moments of recognition like this as we move to embrace it. Other fun things come out, too, like how Asher is "dark", and we are "pink". Ashers's palms and the bottoms of his feet are like ours - pink. When Asher scrapes his skin, he is like us, white inside :) We love his differences and celebrate how God has made him unique!
Today, April 24, 2014, marks 1 year since we saw Asher's sweet referral picture for the first time! I will never forget that referral phone call. I was so nervous. I was so excited. I tried to listen to every word - soak it in. To finally hear the words, we have a referral for your family of a 5 year old little boy (IT'S A BOY - ahhhhhh, we were to have 4 boys in our family - yay, God), and finally glimpse the face of the child that God picked just for us before we were born and through the hardships, challenges and joys of the last 2 years, it was so surreal! We finally got to say yes to God's call by accepting the referral and finally got to dream of a future with a little boy named Ashagre. It was almost too much goodness to take in!! Then, we got to tell our boys. Do you think boy or girl? Conner - boy. Carson - boy. Chase - boy! Ha! They knew! Then, we got to show Asher's picture to them. Conner - cried. Carson - fist pump in the air. Chase - "Hmmmmm, Mom and Dad, he looks so scared. Can you go get him soon, so he can know us and not be scared?!" Yes, Chase, that is the plan :) 2 months later, we went on our first trip to meet Asher and finalize the Ethiopian end of our adoption. 3 months after that, we went to E.T.opia to bring Asher HOME!
And, God's story is still not done :) We continue to live it out, the plans He has for our lives as a family of 6, unpacking the E.T.opia baggage one day at a time!! Thank you, God!!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
4 Months Home - So Many Firsts! Such Blessings.
Well, we have been home together as a family with Asher for 4 months - January 14 - my husband's birthday (yeah, that coincidence wasn't lost on us - so cool)! Wow. Time flies... Life has been super busy, with soccer schedules, basketball and the busyness that 4 boys bring, but life has been so, so good!
Our first in-home social worker visit is complete, and went well, with 1 more in-home visit that will come at 1 year, and then we will do a report and mini-photo album each year chronicling our years with Asher, until he is 18 years old.
Our family really feels like it has been a family of 6 forever. Asher is adjusting so well, after a bumpy start. He sleeps each night in his bedroom with the lights off now (just a glow bracelet or mini flashlight - kind of cute really)... just simply asked for us to turn off the lights one night and every night since. He is going to school every day, all day now, which has been a bit harder physically, but emotionally this has helped him feel like he has "fit" in like his brothers, and it is going so well. We moved him into Young 5's from kindergarten, which has been a much better fit for him academically. He works on vocabulary and how to do school in the mornings one-on-one, with some amazing, Godly women, who love on him, like I would at home (so blessed to have them in Asher's life) and then on to young 5's in the afternoon after lunch and recess :) He has come a long way!
He survived his first Halloween - was very frightened at first by all of the scary costumes in our neighborhood, but he got the concept of getting candy very quickly :) He was the cutest shark ever. Our older boys loved seeing Halloween through his eyes this year!
He has had his first Thanksgiving and first Christmas with us, too! We send our boys to a Christian school, so in this Christmas season, it has been fun to see the art work that Asher brings home and listen to him as he explains his drawings about the baby Jesus in the "major", with the "shepbirds" and the "agels" and "wiseamen" and the star. Just 6 months ago, Asher knew nothing of baby Jesus, and now he knows baby Jesus' birth story, and that Jesus was sent for him. Praise the Lord! Our older boys are seeing a fresh perspective, and so are we. Asher also got to experience Santa, bc in our household, Santa brings us Baby Jesus birthday gifts (it's a stretch, I know, don't judge us - ha). We give our boys 3 presents each. If it was good enough for baby Jesus to get 3 gifts, it is good enough for us :) Asher's excitement at getting a full stocking, when he woke up Christmas morning was infectious to us all. Our older boys no longer believe in Santa, so they were all too excited to play along for the benefit of their little brother! Christmas morning was so fun. No family get-togethers or crazy holiday running around, just our new family, hanging out, playing with our new gadgets, gizmos and toys. We took a walk in the new fallen snow and the ice that had come a few days before - peace and God's beauty all around us. It was a perfect thing to do on such a wonderful day!
Asher's language is coming along great. He can totally communicate with us his needs, wants and dislikes - a huge testimony to Asher's desire to communicate in his new language and the fact that being in an immersion setting is the best way to learn a new language. Oh, to be a child and have that sponge-like mind to absorb so much new! He is amazing. God is amazing to have hand-picked this little guy for our family, before we were even born. It is both humbling and also truly amazing to know that each night we kiss his forehead, see him experience something new, hear him laugh with his brothers, say something out of the blue that just cracks us up, see his personality come out more and more each day, and even see him assert himself for what he wants is all a part of a plan that some days during our adoption process we sometimes doubted would ever happen!
Asher and I are doing much better these days... hugs and kisses, when I ask for them or bribe him for, and an occasional "I love you." :) Praise the Lord!! He is calling JJ and I Mommy and Daddy now, instead of Mama and Papa. Truth be told, even though I knew we were called to adopt an older child, I was very nervous about how this plan would affect our family. An older child, after all, does come with more of a past and more memories (both very painful and wonderfully happy) and a certain set of challenges, but God has put all of those fears and thoughts out of my mind with each first we experience together and each little victory forward we have together as a family. Our boys have adjusted well to the "new kid on the block", too. After all, God didn't just call my husband and I to this adoption, He also called our children. We have seen them grow in ways that are sometimes hard to watch but are amazingly beautiful, too. For example, the boys don't waste food on their plates anymore, because they know what Asher had to endure in the 5 years before he came to us. They are very aware of God's calling on their lives and that this calling makes them responsible stewards of this call. They are even more aware what it means to sacrifice, that life isn't always easy in waiting for and walking out God's call, but it is oh so good, if you trust and then follow God's leading. Our dinner discussions and Christmas break discussions were and continue to be so awesome ;) This isn't to say that everything has been smooth sailing. We have 4 boys in this family now. They still fight. They still argue. They still get hurt feelings. They push each other's buttons and can frustrate the heck out of us, but the good far outweighs the bad!!!!!
Asher has gotten to experience Skyzone (an indoor trampoline fun center), had his first Krispy Kreme Doughnut, see his first snow, eaten his first fast food, experience his first school field trip to a local pizza place (which I totally volunteered to go on and was rewarded with pizza - yes), had his first sledding and snowball fun (he can't get enough of the snow), had his first, second and tenth ride on a snowmobile, gotten to swim for the first time over Christmas break at our local, indoor aquatic center, had his first ride on the bus, etc, etc. Whew, he has loved it and welcomed it all with a bit of shyness at first but then with major joy. Asher's joy and laugh are totally inspiring to us :) We all fall in love with him a little more after each of his victories, gluing us all together through him!
God is good all of the time; all of the time God is good! Through the challenges of the wait during the adoption process, to the most difficult and hard first few weeks home, to the numerous firsts, countless laughs and smiles, to the tears, when he gets hurt, and lastly, Asher getting to know his personal savior more and more every day, God is in it ALL... orchestrating a beautiful and amazing life we could have never dreamed of for ourselves! We can't say enough about how listening to God's call on our family has changed us, refined us, redeemed us, and, in short, made us so much more joyful in our lives than we have ever been. That was God's promise to us, and He delivered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blessings!
Our first in-home social worker visit is complete, and went well, with 1 more in-home visit that will come at 1 year, and then we will do a report and mini-photo album each year chronicling our years with Asher, until he is 18 years old.
Our family really feels like it has been a family of 6 forever. Asher is adjusting so well, after a bumpy start. He sleeps each night in his bedroom with the lights off now (just a glow bracelet or mini flashlight - kind of cute really)... just simply asked for us to turn off the lights one night and every night since. He is going to school every day, all day now, which has been a bit harder physically, but emotionally this has helped him feel like he has "fit" in like his brothers, and it is going so well. We moved him into Young 5's from kindergarten, which has been a much better fit for him academically. He works on vocabulary and how to do school in the mornings one-on-one, with some amazing, Godly women, who love on him, like I would at home (so blessed to have them in Asher's life) and then on to young 5's in the afternoon after lunch and recess :) He has come a long way!
He survived his first Halloween - was very frightened at first by all of the scary costumes in our neighborhood, but he got the concept of getting candy very quickly :) He was the cutest shark ever. Our older boys loved seeing Halloween through his eyes this year!
He has had his first Thanksgiving and first Christmas with us, too! We send our boys to a Christian school, so in this Christmas season, it has been fun to see the art work that Asher brings home and listen to him as he explains his drawings about the baby Jesus in the "major", with the "shepbirds" and the "agels" and "wiseamen" and the star. Just 6 months ago, Asher knew nothing of baby Jesus, and now he knows baby Jesus' birth story, and that Jesus was sent for him. Praise the Lord! Our older boys are seeing a fresh perspective, and so are we. Asher also got to experience Santa, bc in our household, Santa brings us Baby Jesus birthday gifts (it's a stretch, I know, don't judge us - ha). We give our boys 3 presents each. If it was good enough for baby Jesus to get 3 gifts, it is good enough for us :) Asher's excitement at getting a full stocking, when he woke up Christmas morning was infectious to us all. Our older boys no longer believe in Santa, so they were all too excited to play along for the benefit of their little brother! Christmas morning was so fun. No family get-togethers or crazy holiday running around, just our new family, hanging out, playing with our new gadgets, gizmos and toys. We took a walk in the new fallen snow and the ice that had come a few days before - peace and God's beauty all around us. It was a perfect thing to do on such a wonderful day!
Asher's language is coming along great. He can totally communicate with us his needs, wants and dislikes - a huge testimony to Asher's desire to communicate in his new language and the fact that being in an immersion setting is the best way to learn a new language. Oh, to be a child and have that sponge-like mind to absorb so much new! He is amazing. God is amazing to have hand-picked this little guy for our family, before we were even born. It is both humbling and also truly amazing to know that each night we kiss his forehead, see him experience something new, hear him laugh with his brothers, say something out of the blue that just cracks us up, see his personality come out more and more each day, and even see him assert himself for what he wants is all a part of a plan that some days during our adoption process we sometimes doubted would ever happen!
Asher and I are doing much better these days... hugs and kisses, when I ask for them or bribe him for, and an occasional "I love you." :) Praise the Lord!! He is calling JJ and I Mommy and Daddy now, instead of Mama and Papa. Truth be told, even though I knew we were called to adopt an older child, I was very nervous about how this plan would affect our family. An older child, after all, does come with more of a past and more memories (both very painful and wonderfully happy) and a certain set of challenges, but God has put all of those fears and thoughts out of my mind with each first we experience together and each little victory forward we have together as a family. Our boys have adjusted well to the "new kid on the block", too. After all, God didn't just call my husband and I to this adoption, He also called our children. We have seen them grow in ways that are sometimes hard to watch but are amazingly beautiful, too. For example, the boys don't waste food on their plates anymore, because they know what Asher had to endure in the 5 years before he came to us. They are very aware of God's calling on their lives and that this calling makes them responsible stewards of this call. They are even more aware what it means to sacrifice, that life isn't always easy in waiting for and walking out God's call, but it is oh so good, if you trust and then follow God's leading. Our dinner discussions and Christmas break discussions were and continue to be so awesome ;) This isn't to say that everything has been smooth sailing. We have 4 boys in this family now. They still fight. They still argue. They still get hurt feelings. They push each other's buttons and can frustrate the heck out of us, but the good far outweighs the bad!!!!!
Asher has gotten to experience Skyzone (an indoor trampoline fun center), had his first Krispy Kreme Doughnut, see his first snow, eaten his first fast food, experience his first school field trip to a local pizza place (which I totally volunteered to go on and was rewarded with pizza - yes), had his first sledding and snowball fun (he can't get enough of the snow), had his first, second and tenth ride on a snowmobile, gotten to swim for the first time over Christmas break at our local, indoor aquatic center, had his first ride on the bus, etc, etc. Whew, he has loved it and welcomed it all with a bit of shyness at first but then with major joy. Asher's joy and laugh are totally inspiring to us :) We all fall in love with him a little more after each of his victories, gluing us all together through him!
God is good all of the time; all of the time God is good! Through the challenges of the wait during the adoption process, to the most difficult and hard first few weeks home, to the numerous firsts, countless laughs and smiles, to the tears, when he gets hurt, and lastly, Asher getting to know his personal savior more and more every day, God is in it ALL... orchestrating a beautiful and amazing life we could have never dreamed of for ourselves! We can't say enough about how listening to God's call on our family has changed us, refined us, redeemed us, and, in short, made us so much more joyful in our lives than we have ever been. That was God's promise to us, and He delivered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blessings!
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