Oh, The Places We Will Go - How Far We have Come in the Last 6 Weeks

To understand how far we have come, you need to know where we started... 6 weeks ago! So I will start with our 2nd trip to Ethiopia and end with Asher's first week of school... that is a lot of living in just 6 weeks! Ahhhhh, it is good stuff, people!

God's story of love, redemption and adoption through our family unfolds each and every day, as we go places as a family that we never thought we'd go! I love to read Dr. Seuss' book Oh, The Places You Will Go with our boys. It is a classic book with so many layers for not only children but also adults, so it feels like the appropriate theme to share with you our experiences as a family, since we have been home with Asher for the last 5 weeks now! It seems like yesterday to us all that we stepped onto an airplane to bring our son home, but it also feels like we have lived a lifetime in those 6 weeks! Here are just a few places we have gone, that we never would have gone had God not been in EVERY detail, in every minute, in each raw and challenging moment, in every smile, in every laugh, in every joyous breakthrough - whew! God is GOOD, and to Him be the glory for this story that He has created through us and for us to tell :)

OH, THE PLACES YOU WILL GO...

Ethiopia to home (September 9-September 14) 

--a total of 34 hours of being on airplanes with a 5 year old, who slept for 11 hours :)

--a goodbye ceremony with coffee, popcorn and bread at the orphanage to say goodbye to the care workers and children that were our son's world for the last 6 months of his life... sniff, sniff

--Asher's tears, and the tears of a few friends, as we left the orphanage, quite likely never to return again, but oh such a brave little guy to leave with the family God ordained us to be

--a traditional Ethiopian dinner at Alemu's home -- complete with a good goat slaughter to celebrate the Ethiopian New Year. Always room in my life for more firsts, but I hope there isn't a second like that one - hmmmm, it was interesting...
--with Alemu (the AAI adoption manager in Ethiopia), our last opportunity to communicate with our son in his language: Tell him we love him; tell him he will be called Asher, when we get to America; tell him he has brothers and a family who love him all ready; tell him he will be going on an airplane to America to live with us; tell him a whole family, church, school and town love him

--the excitement in a little boy's eyes to go on an airplane but then the shear fear and panic in his eyes, as the reality of what crossing that airport threshold really means... broke us both to see that look of fear in the eyes of our son and knowing it was because of us and the crazy unknown that was making him look so afraid

--the 4 hours waiting in line at the check-in counter at the airport, because the computers went down 2 times due to power outages. JJ had to hold Asher the entire 4 hours, as Asher was too afraid to be in this airport "on his own"
--a renewed/strengthened love for my husband, as I saw him in a whole new light on this trip. He had to care for Asher's every need, because it is my husband that Asher continually wanted for everything. I could see the love in my husband's eyes grow, and I could see God's peace, as he cared so lovingly for our scared, sweet peanut. That is a good look for my husband :) I had to praise God, because this adoption seed was planted in my heart first. JJ came to this calling a bit later in the picture, and now, he was the parent Asher wanted to bond to first - God is good. Love the man I am with!!!

--Soooo many tears in the middle of the night on a crowded airplane, as I grieved leaving African soil for quite possibly the last time in our lives. I grieved for our son, sleeping soundly between my husband and I: his loss of culture, his loss of language, his loss of biological family, his loss of everything familiar, his loss of people, his loss of identity. Had we done what was right, and it was too late to turn back now! Oh the places we will go...

--Touching down on American soil in DC and really feeling for the first time that we were truly a family... in our familiar surroundings. This was real and oh so exciting. Seeing my aunt at the DC airport - our first family to see us as a family. God had turned my mourning into joy!

--The last leg home from DC to see our awaiting family and friends in GR. Asher not wanting to get off of that plane. What was our brave peanut thinking at this moment? Oh my goodness, we were almost HOME!!! 

--I could't wait to see our boys and have them meet their new brother for the first time... a brother they could only pray about and think about in their minds by looking at our trip pictures and a few videos. What were they thinking - oh, I longed to hug them and pull them close, as I missed them so much in being apart from them for a second time in 3 months.

--the amazing support of family and friends waiting at the airport to see our new family. Tears, joy, disbelief, and then, a little boy overwhelmed by travel and the whole ordeal, who tried to run back up the runway. JJ chasing after him, met with kicking feet and flailing arms - what a great picture of Jesus pursuing us - running toward us, as we kick and scream, but HE will NOT leave us as orphans!

--a scared and quiet little boy, as he hid in the corner of our garage, tears streaming down his face, when we finally made it home, not wanting to move and then a break for the open road. He ran with all of his might down the road, with our boys running after him. Where was he going? It was so sad to just watch him run and know there was nowhere but our home, a foreign place, that he was attached to at that very moment
--after 45 minutes in a closed garage, our boys trying desperately to coax their brother into their home, our home, with food, stuffed animals and toys, so that Asher would walk into our home of his own free-will; we eventually carried him into our home in our arms, kicking and screaming. He wanted no part, until he saw a picture of himself and several other pictures of he and his orphanage friends on our walls some time later, along with the pictures of our family. He was a part of our world. The fight or flight survival walls began to come down
--our boys put in the movie Nemo, bc that movie was played at the orphanage. We thought maybe that would be familiar and a way in. Our boys brought him a stuffed Nemo, and that did it. The walls were down a bit more, and our 4 sons sat under one blanket on the couch and watched Nemo together. Our son was preparing himself to see our home as his home, too
--the first night having Asher under our roof at bed time. A frightened little boy wanting his bedroom light on, flashlights in his hands and my husband sleeping on his floor until he fell asleep... Exhausted, Asher submitted to sleep. Praise the Lord, our family was complete! Oh, the places you will go.

The last 5 weeks HOME

--the first week home, our boys slept in the basement on cots, because Asher screamed and cried at bedtime every night (at one point, all of our sons were crying for the possible reality that they'd never sleep again or ever be in their own beds, out of sadness that Asher was so scared, out of fear that Asher didn't know Jesus yet to calm his heart - oh the places they will go), or he would get up in the middle of the night. The time change was a difficult adjustment for him. At 3:30am, it was 10:30am in Ethiopia, so he'd turn on all of the lights in the house to play... oh the exhaustion that first few weeks for all of us
--6-vial blood draw, 4 vaccines, and 3 stool samples, BUT a healthy little boy. Per our home study parameters, we would have been okay with a child that had minor correctable health issues, so, praise the Lord that Asher is one healthy child!
--God's amazing hand in creating a little boy's mind to acquire language at a crazy pace each day -- being able to communicate his wants, needs and desires by the end of 4 weeks with us in his broken, cute accented way. With who knows what kind of nourishment Asher received his first few months and years of life, we can ONLY attribute his amazing mind to God's hand in preparing Asher for our family, even in those early years -- truly miraculous
--a child I had prayed for and was called by God to pursue first in my heart and then as a picture and then as a breathing, living, God-created little child, the last 2 years of my life, for the first few weeks home did not trust me nor want anything to do with me. That was tremendously challenging to my ego, to my heart, to my existence as a Mom! Asher bonded so quickly with my husband and our 3 sons, so I could see glimpses of what Asher could be like: sweet, affectionate, cuddly, fun, etc. I only got the cold shoulder, purposeful anger, and very physical behavior - kicking, defiance, screams, and pinching. He also ran away frequently. God, is this the place you want he and I to go? Please help us like one another!
--for the first 2 weeks home, I wanted to quit. I was done being assaulted physically, emotionally and, quite honestly, spiritually. I was home with a child all day long that did not want me, only wanted the people in his life that weren't home at that moment, when I was right in front of him. I felt abandoned and like this was going to be what my world would look like from now on. It was a dark place for both Asher and I, but, for Asher, life got better at 3:30pm each day, when his brothers came home and his father came home shortly after that. For me, it just seemed to get lonelier at that time, because the people that loved me had to nurture Asher's needs, not my own, so... Oh, the places you will go!
--Oh, I prayed over Asher and I, as did so many of you! God had to take me to my knees to gain the strength and lesson that this story, this child, our family of 6 was NOT about me. This is God's story, Sara; it's about Asher; it is about our family of 6; it is about our boys; it is about our marriage; it is about a community of friends and family that has prayed us through the last 2 years. When I released that issue to God's control, our relationship leapt forward from the dark into the light. Praise God how far He took us at that point
--Asher still favors JJ over me (which is so good, since JJ works full time, and I am home with him and can continue working on things between he and I), but, with the remaining week before school started last week, Asher let me: kiss his cheek, put him to bed, dress him, bathe him, make him food other than macaroni and cheese - lol (sounds small but that is a big trust leap), play with him, sit along side of him on the couch, rub his back, take him places in the car, etc. I felt like a mom again - yay! Our relationship is slower to bear fruit, but, even a small taste of that fruit feels AMAZING!
--Asher started school this past week... kindergarten! We are grateful for a Christian school, teachers that understand our situation and Asher's, love on him like we would, and see to his every need. His class and teacher(s) are amazing, and you can just feel and see the love his classmates have for the new guy in class. They are ALL Asher's new friends! We are changing Asher's birth year to make him younger than his birth certificate states, based on a dental exam, a pediatrician exam and our gut instincts about him. Why wouldn't we buy him a year of time, growth, and development, if we can? So, he will do kindergarten this year, and then, he will repeat it again next year - what a gift!
--he can string primitive sentences together; he is excited to see me at lunch to pick him up; he can write "A", "S", and "H" of his name; he can sing the whole ABC song on his own; he can count to 8; he can draw very detailed stick people; he can draw the sun and a kite. I'd say that is a pretty amazing first week of school!

Seeing each family member stretch for God's kingdom in their unique way has been so great to witness. Carson, our 11 year old, for example, who said he felt badly that he couldn't cry at our homecoming at the airport, said (according to his teacher who emailed me this, because I dare say, Carson wouldn't have shared - HA) during a class discussion last week in Bible about the story of Abraham and Isaac, that he knew that God was calling our family to something really challenging and difficult in waiting for Asher, but that the obedience we showed to God in waiting brought us the blessing of Asher!! Oh, the places our children are going for HIS kingdom! Oh.my.word, people, this is good stuff!

Asher runs away less. He is less physical with us. He may sleep with all of his lights on, under his sheets (because that was a warming tactic at the orphanage), and with 2 flashlights, but he kisses us goodnight and stays in his own bed, sleeping through the entire night. He tries so desperately to talk more and more to us each day to fit into our world/his new world. He continues to open up with me, as the walls around both of our hearts crumble slowly but surely.

What an amazing little boy to put behind him his past, with the abandonment of his earthly father and take up residence with his new family that will teach him about his Heavenly Father!! Oh, the places Asher has all ready gone. Oh, the places he will continue to go in God's plan for his life! To God be the GLORY!

Blessings!

A Whole New World

22 months ago, God placed a call on our hearts... Tomorrow, the final leg of that calling will bear so much fruit, as we finally get to go to Ethiopia to pick up our son and bring him HOME. The time has come. That time is now :)

The 22 months of paperwork, tears, abundant joys, numerous blessings, fervent prayers, God's razzle-dazzle, and the amazing help from so many have bolstered us to this moment! We leave tomorrow... ahhhhh, we are so excited. The hardships of this journey have faded into our past.

There are so, so many that have prayed for us, bought a t-shirt from us, ate a taco dinner with us, bought a piece of jewelry or 2 to help us, donated to our on-line charity, or made out a check on our behalf to our church! We are humbled to be helped by so many by a check in the mail with an encouraging note, young people collecting pop cans, a 6th-grade class choosing our family as a charity they wanted to support, children saving their allowance for months and donating it to us to help us get Asher home. How does one take in that kind of generosity? Praise the Lord, Hallelujah! So many have been the hands and feet of Jesus for us. This humbling support and encouragement and prayer and generosity exists, because we serve an amazingly giving and loving God. We are so grateful to sooooooo many!

We arrive in Ethiopia on Wednesday this week on Ethiopia's New Year's Day... Don't think that is by happenstance, people. That is God's perfect timing for our NEW family, new family in Christ! What we are in store for on the other end with Asher leaving his friends, his homeland, his people, his father and brother, his language, his only real home for the last 6 months, we have no idea, but we do know that God will be in every detail!!

I will get to drop our boys off at school tomorrow morning to say goodbye - tears will flow on that car ride home, I can assure you, but our kids are being tended to by a faithful and loving aunt, which makes leaving that much easier! Our bags are packed full to the brim with not only orphanage donations packed by a sweet college student using her church's kingdom money but also photo albums we are taking to other children at the orphanage who have not yet met their parents. What a blessing we get to be!!

I also packed Asher's first pair of shoes and his first pair of socks and his first blanket and his first set of toys all his own. His baseball cap says USA :) His plane backpack is packed for the way home with all sorts of goodies, and he has a ticket to America - seat 33H!!! He gets a window seat to a whole new world. Praise the Lord!

Please keep praying, prayer warriors, as we begin this new chapter in our lives as a family of 6, and our window seat to a whole new world :)

Blessings!

God's Refinement

A flurry of wonderful activity has happened over the last several days. We have waited 9 weeks for good news, and we finally got some - in droves...

Beginning Saturday, we began praying for Asher's dad. He had to board a bus for a 2-day bus ride to the capital for the final leg of his part in our journey... the last hurdle to bringing home our son. Because we know this was a long and difficult journey for this man and that he was giving up so much, both emotionally and physically, we kept reflecting on the sacrifice he was making, not putting undue pressure on him to show! We knew He who had set about to do a good work in not only us but Asher's dad also, was going to see that it was complete. We had peace that Asher's dad would show for his US Embassy appointment on Monday, August 19. We prayed that God would begin to heal his heart through this one, last selfless act and this act would touch him always. He could have taken the easy route so many take by just letting his son go out into the world, turn his back, and abandon him; however, God convicted this father to take the hard route by giving up his son, so that he could be in our family. Humbled to be a part of God's convictions and be able to see that God cut a perfect path for us to Asher, however this path may look from the outside :)

Asher's dad showed on Monday, and the embassy cleared our case while we were sleeping Monday night. What a joyous and amazing email to wake up to - AWESOME! We had waited 9 long weeks to hear, "Holwerda Family, your adoption case for Ashagre John Holwerda has cleared!" We submitted 3 dates in which to go back to Ethiopia for our visa appointment with the US Embassy; however, we submitted these dates about 90 minutes before the embassy closed for the day (they are 7 hours ahead of us), so we didn;t think we would hear anything until the next day. We heard back 30 minutes later with our first choice of dates - PTL! WOW! We leave Sept. 9 for a Sept. 12 visa interview and will make it home on Sept. 14. That is 20 days away. To say that we are over the moon excited is an understatement! AHHHHHHH... I may have danced, cried, shaken a little and shrieked a few times aloud. Asher is going to be home on Sept. 14... the perfect path cut just for us to Asher - humbling!

And, just like that, the "labor pains" of the wait, challenges on this journey, the tears, the extra unexpected loss of money to change direction, the fears over ever getting our son home, the 9 weeks in between trips to hear anything, blah, blah, blah, have all melted away into JOY, JOY, JOY!!

I wish I could blog while I run, because I really feel like God speaks to me in that alone time, when I am an open vessel. I set my praise music on low, and I popcorn pray for whatever or whoever comes into my head and into my heart, and God really speaks to me about lessons I need to learn or scripture I need to turn to for strength or in time of need or to praise Him with. Needless to say, I love my time running! This is what I got out of my run with God today...

Being in the "wait" is being in the fire - God's refinement! It is to make us better Christians, brighter lights and more faithful servants in God's Kingdom. We need to be MORE than when we started the adoption process to bring HIS chosen into our families. When we get to this point, God completes that good work He set about to do in us! I am overjoyed that we are so close to getting Asher home, that the process can end, but the lessons God taught us are now going to be put into action with our son, as our family grows and changes around him and with him in it. I am even more joyful that, in the last 2 years of this journey of adoption, our family has been refined. We have been made new in Him. We have grown in our faith. We have become brighter lights. We have served more of God's kingdom than if we hadn't ever been in that fire! That is JOY - Joy in the Lord! He delights in us, and we can honestly say, we have delighted in Him for who He is and for what He has done and will continue to do in us, through us, and because Asher is a part of our family!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, God! Thank you to all of you praying for us, over us, and around us, sending encouraging words, financially supporting us, loving us, letting us cry on your shoulder, supporting us physically, emotionally and spiritually! It has been a beautiful picture to us of God's hands and feet :) Thank you.

Blessings!

We Are Up and Then, Just Like That, We Are Down

Last week, we got submitted to the US Embassy to process Asher's paperwork to become an official American citizen. We were so thrilled that the investigation of our case had ended as quickly as it did. We were elated!! For the first time since we came home from Ethiopia the end of June - 6 weeks ago - I felt like I could picture Asher in our home: playing with toys I had kept out for him, playing basketball and soccer with the boys in the front yard, learning how to ride a bike, jumping on the trampoline, sitting at the table in the 6th-seat that has been vacant at our table for as long as we have had our dining room set, running around with our dog, doing summer things with the family before the back-to-school mayhem, etc. etc. I also felt like we could move forward with getting his room ready for him to come home to. I have dreaded putting together Asher's room for fear it will sit empty and be a constant reminder of our little peanut half way across the world NOT with us... a painful reminder.

We found out this week that the US Embassy in Ethiopia is back-logged and short-staffed right now, which means that paperwork processing has slowed way down. We are, again, in a holding-pattern with our journey to Asher. Ugh! It has been so challenging to go from such high highs and then fall to such low lows. This has truly been the most crazy emotional rollercoaster, sometimes, I think, not for the faint of heart!

We are as patient as we can be. We KNOW God's timing is perfect for both Asher and us. We get the fact that we signed on for a jounrey that wouldn't be smooth at all times, but, that doesn't mean that we like this one bit... this new low! We have asked the "Why us/Why Asher" questions. We pray fervently, not only for our case, but also for so many others stuck like us. We know the end result will be amazing, but it still aches right down to our cores, when these set backs happen!!!

We are waiting for the US Embassy to schedule a parent interview appointment. This is the Embassy's investigation into whether or not Asher is indeed an orphan and can be sent to the US with us in good faith, with the proper citizenship paperwork. We understand that this thoroughness is necessary, but this is just another hoop that delays us from our son, so we don't have to like it. We are looking at at least another month at best before we can hope to go back to Ethiopia. When we were in Ethiopia just 6 weeks ago, we thought Asher would be home this week or the next week! Oh how things can change.

I read a blog on Facebook today that helped put this whole wait in perspective for me to help you understand what we are going through  (here are just 4 points that I really think sum up this wait for our family)...

It is entitled: Dear Friends of Waiting Adoptive Moms -- Some Things to Know (To see the rest of the blog, go to: http://wondermentetc.com/)

-- She loves a child she's never met...

It’s possible. So possible. It’s irrational and crazy, but it’s reality. Does she love them like she will once she gets to know them? No. But she loves them. She wakes up loving them and goes to sleep loving them. She drives to the grocery story and aches to have them safe and snug in the backseat waiting for them. She pushes her cart around the store and hears a child cry and her heart pounds wondering if her child is crying? Alone? Hungry? She might even have to leave an entire grocery cart full of food in the yogurt aisle to go home and cry because it just is too hard. Way too hard.  (Tru dat... This has happened to me - sorry Meijer employees that you had to put my full cart away!)

-- Her child has been through trauma...

If she’s like a lot of moms she won’t be advertising that fact everywhere because she respects her child’s privacy. But children don’t come to the place of needing a second family because they were placed in a cabbage patch by unicorns and leprechauns. Adoption comes from loss. Loss she will see in her child’s eyes and in their heart. Loss that as a mama can make your soul curl up in a ball for an ugly cry. So don’t tell her the kids are lucky. You wouldn’t tell a person who lost an arm that they’re lucky to have a prosthetic one would you? I mean yeah, they are lucky to have that replacement. But you know what would be luckier? Not losing that arm in the first place. So please be understanding. Also, maybe instead of asking for her child’s story outright ask “are you sharing about his history before you?” That gives her a chance to either answer you or bow out graciously. (The loss part just makes me weep!)

-- She isn't sure they are coming home...

This is the part of the adoption process that makes you want to crawl under your bed and not come out until it’s safe again. This is the part that tears your soul in two. This is the part that you wake up in the morning remembering and going to bed at night fearing. Because there are no guarantees. And that’s hard. No, not hard. It’s gut-wrenching. It’s not just the fear that your child might die before having a family, it’s that this child you love with every ounce of your being might grow up in an orphanage, on the streets, or worse.

-- She looks brave on the outside; she's brave on the inside, too, but she is also a mess...

Which, I think is what mothering and loving is all about. Being a mess. Throwing your love out there and not knowing if you’re ever going to get it back. It’s scary. It’s vulnerable. It feels like you can’t breathe and when you can it hurts to do it. And you don’t want to complain about that because you picked it. So you pick up the pieces of your heart and you keep going. You keep going because at the end of the day what you go through as an adoptive mother is nothing compared to what children go through when they live their life without family. And that’s what this journey is all about.

The highs are amazing, dazzling, miraculous and blessed, but the lows are very challenging and difficult to handle some days! I love a child who is not here, in my arms, and I have nooooo idea when he will be in my arms! This child has been through trauma of the likes of which no child should have to go through, and, as his mom, I can't do anything to help him through it right now and have no idea who is holding him or wiping his tears. It is hard to believe sometimes, with all of our set backs and lows in this journey, that Asher will ever come home. Keeping up the facade of bravery and cheer and strength each day to everyone I know, including our 3 boys, has really wrecked me some days. Is adoption for the faint of heart? I would have to say no, BUT, if God calls you to this, He WILL bring you through it. I know I could not do this alone :) God changes your "faint" heart into one of strength and evolution and love and so much more, when you sign on to love one of His children in this way, but it is not an easy road - awesome road, just not easy!

We WILL be united with Asher soon. We just need to wait for that blessed event a little while longer. We love you, sweet boy!!!

Blessings!

Dazzled Again -- Baby Steps

After not getting submitted to the US Embassy on July 11, like all of the other families that we had traveled with, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself those first few days of finding out about this crazy investigation of our case by the MOWCYA. We were preparing for the worst... Should we expect Asher home by Thanksgiving? Should we expect him home by Christmas? I had just bought a few pairs of shorts and short sleeve shirts from Meijer for him the week before, so confident that he would be home by summer's end. Should I return all of those things and start looking at winter coats and boots instead?

Needless to say, I was feeling such sadness, anger, and panic about this timing and the unknowns of this investigation... that God's plan was not working out on MY time table. Why us? Why Asher? 'Oh Sara, you are such a flawed woman. Hadn't God just taught you about His perfect timing in ALL things?' I was having a difficult time rectifying these thoughts in my head, because I know what I was thinking was NOT truth!! God eventually settled me back into the "wait" with a few running conversations we had... I love those sweet, meditative times on the open road with just God and I. He told me to remember that He has the perfect date picked out for our reuniting with Asher. It WILL be better than anything we could imagine, so please just take care of each day you wake up... one day at a time... baby steps. This whole adoption process (from beginning to end) is truly out of your control, so just trust in me, and I will give you what you need each and every day you wake up - my mercies and grace will be new every morning! Thank you, God. Again, I am a flawed woman for having such doubt, when I know the truth, but God has NEVER given up on me. Thank you, God!!!

Then, last week, we got word from our case worker that Asher's passport, birth certificate and medical check were performed. Hmmmm? Our case WAS moving forward?! Yes, if the TB test came back negative, we would be submitted to the Embassy on Thursday, July 25. Asher's TB test came back negative on Monday, July 22. We got submitted to the Embassy, so that they can begin the processing of Asher's paperwork for him to become an American citizen - only 2 weeks behind all of the families we traveled with that got submitted on July 11 :) Oh happy day... That email came with immediate butterflies in my stomach. At the perfect, God-ordained time, we were beginning to move closer to our son with baby steps forward!!

After this submission, the Embassy sets up an interview with Asher's dad. For birth parent court back in May, this appointment did not go well, as Asher's dad did not show for 2 weeks, so we are cautiously, hopeful (because nothing more can happen in our case, until this interview is complete), that things will be better this time around. Asher's dad has to get to Addis for this interview by a 2-day bus ride - both expensive and physically difficult. Can you imagine having to go to Florida standing up much of the way, getting no stop in between to sleep in a hotel, and then be packed in like sardines? That is just a little taste of what he has to endure. This is going to be a tough journey... including that this will be his 2nd trip to the city to say again that he does not want his child! I can not imagine...

We are praying for that man's heart. We are praying that he can make this journey on time one more time!

We continue to pray for Asher's heart and his emotional healing, as he makes the journey to America and leaves the comfort and security of EVERYTHING he has ever known to go with us, the strange but nice, white people that are now going to be his family. Oh, what will go through his mind, as we get on that airplane to fly home?! I think constantly of the resilience of children and that God will be filling up his heart for what he needs each and every day, not just while he is in Africa. God will especially do that as he wakes up in his new room under our roof. His mercies and grace will be new for Asher each and every morning.

Maybe you would be willing to pray this prayer over Asher (a dear friend gave it to me, and it is so powerful):

Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for entrusting Asher to us (the Holwerda family) as our (their) adopted child. We declare Asher to be under Your authority. We dedicate this child to you and ask for Your protection and guidance, as we commit ourselves to doing all that we can to lead him to an understanding of Your saving grace. We stand against all devices of Satan that you would keep Asher in bondage. We renounce the sins of this child's ancestors and all curses that have been passed on from generation to generation. We announce that Christ became a curse for Asher, when he was crucified on the cross. We announce that only the Lord Jesus Christ has any claim of ownership on him. We pray a hedge of protection around Asher all the days of his life. We ask this in the strong name of Jesus, who reigns supreme as the sovereign Lord of the universe. Amen

God continues to dazzle us, even through our earthly hardships! Even though we may fall because of our sin and give into Satan's doubt, fear and anxiety about plans not working out or trust that God has this all figured out.  God does not condemn us for this; instead, we serve a God that is a God of love, truth, grace and mercy. He never lets you fall completely! He always has our backs, even when we don't feel worthy, because we give into the fear, guilt, or anxiety. To know God has Asher, one of 147 million orphans around the world, in His grip, is so freeing! Thank you, God, for holding firm to Asher in this wait, and for holding us firm as well!

Blessings!

Risk Management

We have been home from Ethiopia for just over 3 weeks now. I have sat down at the computer at least 3 times since being home to try to write about what we saw, what we experienced, and what God did through us and for us, but the words have not been there. However, I feel it is time to just set our experience free :) This trip will ALWAYS rummage through my heart and my mind, so I hope you enjoy and are changed by the wild ride God put us on...

Our trip to ET was definitely a trip of a lifetime. For me, this whole adoption journey from its start in November 2011 until now has been one ginormous leap off of a 40 + year old diving board... leap of faith into the unknown. I have lived my life as a risk manager, assessing risk every day of my life, and this journey would not be one I would have taken if God hadn't set me free and changed my heart the year I turned 40 to be equipped to do it. I seriously became a new Christian then, as I hit mediocrity rock bottom and cried out to God to change my heart and help me see more of what God could do to use me for His kingdom. This was risky behavior, reckless even, asking God to use me. I was ready, because our risk-free, safe life was sucking the joy out of me, and I felt completely out of touch in our beautiful home with our good health, stocked food pantry, and packed closets. What was wrong with me? We have everything going for us. Why was I living life just going through the motions? Wasn't this lifestyle supposed to be fulfilling now that we had hit our stride? 

God showed me that there could be more to life then mediocrity... There could and would be an abundantly fulfilling life, if I/we followed Him. God prepared my heart to throw risk to the wind and take up the cross. He called our family in 2011 to adopt one of the millions of orphans in this world. What could be difficult about that calling? We have a house equipped for more. We have the financing. Our hearts are open. We are stepping out in faith. We are enfolding a child into our family that will know the love of Jesus Christ. We are showing our kids faith in action. We have been closer to God in this journey than ever before in our lives, getting glimpses of abundant life in Him that we'd never experienced before through many blessings all ready. We have had countless people help us through prayer, finances, donations and general support throughout our journey, humbling us and feeling God's presence... Again, what is hard about that? Well, God promises blessings beyond measure when you follow Him, but in a fallen world, these blessings do not come without some risk and cost and difficult paths... 

Flash back to June 13, 2013... the day we left for Ethiopia. My husband and I had never left our children for more than 2 nights since our oldest was born. I was kind of a mess (okay, I was a total wreck, if I am honest) to leave them and get on a plane, where, as you now know about me, is a risk I assessed BIG time - 17 hours of plane travel - ugh. God was stretching me in that leap into the unknown. I could not manage this trip by myself, even with good, "happy place" medication. Only God could manage it... He set me free to enjoy the ride and have peace to leave our kids for the next 9 days, as soon as that first plane door closed...

We touched down on ET soil on June 15th at 6am. It was a surreal feeling. I was growing more anxious by the minute to see Asher, but we learned right then and there that things in Ethiopia run on "Ethiopian time" :) We got to our hotel room after the craziest bus ride we had ever taken (I can't even explain in words how crazy traffic is there, but, suffice it to say, I about kissed the ground when I got to the hotel only 15 minutes from the airport - lol). JJ and I sat in our room asking each other, "Now what do we do?" It was 9am. We had no one to call really. We had no itinerary. We just had to wait... for what, we hoped we'd get to see our son! We took in the sights from our hotel balcony and marveled at the city: its people, the smell that only someone who has been there can describe or "appreciate", the trash, the dirty streets! However, I couldn't help but see God in each of the faces everywhere we looked - a city with a population of 1 million people and 95% unemployment. It was almost too much... soooo much poverty in one place that seemed to scream at me from every direction. Oh God, break my heart for what breaks yours!

JJ and I fell asleep, only to be woken up by telephone by Alemu, our amazing adoption "manager" for the week, saying on the the other line, "Do you want to visit your son?" Holy cow. I was half asleep and now I had immediate butterflies in my stomach! Ahhhh... Alemu met us downstairs and drove us to Jane's House for the first time. I remember thinking, 'Oh my goodness, I can't believe we are at this point in our journey. We are going to see our SON! WE ARE GOING TO SEE OUR SON!'

The gate doors opened up on a 2000+ square foot cement compound with 8-10 foot cement-block walls and a cement ground. The courtyard was empty, save for line after line of drying children's clothes. JJ and I walked hand-in-hand into the orphanage house, because the courtyard was empty, and there stood Asher in the hallway... doe-eyed and smiling up at us. He was real and right in front of us. JJ and I looked at each other and said now what? All of the other older children lead us into a room, where we sat down at a table to give him the gifts we brought: the pictures Conner, Carson and Chase had drawn for him of what they were most excited to do with Asher when he came home, a photo album with family pictures, including our dog and pictures of he with his orphanage friends, suckers, Matchbox cars, silly bands, a baseball hat, and sunglasses. He loved the photo album. JJ and I looked at each other and the tears began. We both were in awe of this sweet, little boy we had prayed so desperately for the last 2 years of our lives! The risk management I had practiced with my heart the last 2 years, completely melted away. I could breathe for the first time and allow myself to feel every emotion! Praise the LORD!

It may not have been a picture-perfect scene (especially as I look back and reflect on it now), like we had in our heads or had seen in other family's videos of this same moment! There was no nanny to bring in our boy; there was no anticipation or story book scenario of doors opening and us getting to smile, as Asher was presented to us. It was just Asher and us, sitting at a table. It was perfect for us. It was a short 2 hours, however, and Asher fought back tears when we left. 2 hours is not long enough. I didn't want to leave.

The next day, we got to go to an English-speaking, Episcopal Church with the Mulnix family from our adoption agency. It was great to meet with them, because their son and our son are such good buddies at the orphanage. They only live an hour away from us in Michigan. Thank you, God. We instantly felt comfortable with them, like we'd known each other for years and just knew we would be connected forever through our boys. What a beautiful picture of Brandon and JJ getting to spend Father's Day celebrating our Heavenly Father in church in Ethiopia, where both were becoming new Dad's in Him once again! Thank you, God. The church was packed, 2 stories. We enjoyed this worship time very much. Then it was on to have pizza! Must put a plug in for ET pizza - amazing!

We got to go back to the orphanage after lunch to see Asher. This time all the kiddos wanted to play. It was an amazing time of fun... playing soccer, playing tag, seeing where Asher sleeps, checking out the baby rooms, holding beautiful babies, and on and on. I sweat like crazy and was totally out of breath by the end of our short 1 hour visit, but our hearts were full being able to see such joy on the faces of such beautiful children and that we could be a part of that joy.

The next day, we got picked up at 6am to leave for an over night stay in Awassa... a 5 hour drive outside the city. We got to meet another wonderful Michigan family from our adoption agency, as we made the crazy van ride together. The drive to Awassa was so beautiful... totally what I pictured Africa to look like. It was full of rolling hills, mountains, beautiful, simple thatched-roof huts, people carrying sticks, grain, and everything by back, by wagon or by donkey, lush acacia trees dotted the landscape, bajah taxis (blue little, taxis that can carry 3 people - covered scooter, really) everywhere, people every mile along sometimes very desolate stretches of road. I was mesmerized. I was able to not risk manage this crazy rive, darting everywhere to avoid herds of animals, countless people, congested cities along the road, etc. God allowed me to relax and have peace and soak in the beauty created by God all around us. This is Asher's home!

When we got to Awassa, by the grace of God we got there safely, we met a few more families from our adoption agency that we got to share our Awassa experience with. We got to shop together, eat together, share a crazy van ride back to Addis all cramped up together, got to share their "See you laters" to their children together, which was the most special and humbling time of all, but we did not get the pleasure of sharing their resort together. JJ and I had budgeted a certain amount of money for our Awassa stay, and the resort, where all of those families got to stay, was not in our budget. When we saw it, however, we were totally in awe, and then our driver brought us to our "budget" hotel - bahahahaha. It looked nice, and it really was nice; however, it wasn't the luxurious resort, swimming pool, lush lake view resort we would have loved to stay at like the others. JJ and I totally chuckled at the difference - the have and have nots, we joked. On either side of our "really nice" hotel were rows and rows of metal houses. Again, God was breaking my heart for what breaks His. I could hardly rectify that we were in this great hotel that I had not necessarily deemed nice, and there was real life happening all around me, each and every day in metal houses with dirt floors! JJ and I had a great time of conversation and prayer about what we might bring away from this experience, what we would teach our kids. It was a really sweet time for JJ and I. But then...That night I got sick from lunch; it rained really hard, and we were on the 5th-floor of a 5-story hotel under a metal roof. Yep, no sleep that night, as the rain was so loud. Then, to make matters even more funny, the roof above our heads leaked, making our whole bed wet. It was kind of comical, especially because the leaks were coming through our recessed lights. Just have to laugh. Oh, the creature comforts we get used to!

We got back to Addis on Tuesday night, where we then got to go to a traditional Ethiopian dinner, complete with traditional dancers, singers, and band. We got to go to dinner with all of us adoptive families from our agency in the city. What a great experience!! The food was amazing, the atmosphere made me giddy. I threw all risk to the wind again about travel amongst strangers, eating new and foreign foods, and drinking Tej or honey wine. I was forewarned not to drink it, but, when in ET, one must drink the Tej - bahahaha. It was pretty horrible - very much an acquired taste. But, I did it and lived to write about it - legendary :)

Wednesday was court day. We spent the day with our "family", the other adoptive families that we, I think, can now call family :) We went to the International African Museum to see the remains of Lucy, the oldest set of human bones, that were dug up in ET. We saw many other great artifacts, artwork, and relics from ET's proud past. It was a great way to spend the morning, and it felt good to be amongst our son's heritage! Then, it was on for pizza again - yummmm - safe eats! Then it was on to court. As the Holwerda's never are able to do anything in a normal manner, our driver got lost. He had no idea where he was going; simply got into the car with all of us - 10 in total - and drove aimlessly, thinking he would find the Beole Region Africa High Court. Our appointment was for 2pm. We, of course, were late. Sheesh! We got herded into a small, hot room and waited for our names to be called. It was our turn - ahhhh! I had butterflies. We went in the room with the judge, 2 other families, and Alemu. We were asked 10 questions that we needed to answer yes or no to and then the last question came... Do you accept this adoption as final and forever? JJ and I looked at each other and began to choke down tears, as it came down to one answer.......... YES... A thousand times YES!!!! And just like that (in less than 5 minutes), Asher was legally a part of our family :) Thank you, Lord!

We left the high court after many hugs to each of the families there and numerous pictures, and headed to pick up Asher from the orphanage. Of course, our driver got lost AGAIN, and the 15 minute drive took over 45 minutes - the suspense was killing me. Come on! Asher was going to stay with us in our hotel until we had to leave for  home! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! We were totally nervous to take him. I was nervous about how he would feel leaving his "home" and going with us, the strange, nice white folks he had just met. I was nervous about what we'd do with him when we got back to our hotel - this gift of being able to take him for a few days was a complete surprise to us. I was nervous, frankly, about whether or not he'd like us. He is stuck with us, and we are stuck with him. Okay, my risk management persona came out again to guard my heart for any let downs! I was on high risk management alert - LOL!

We took his hand from Jane's House and sat him on JJ's lap, so he could see outside, as we drove. I have never seen a bigger smile. He was so excited. He laughed as he took it all in. He loved the elevator ride up to our hotel. Then, reality set in. He got over stimulated at times, either from too much activity, not enough activity, or too much English in the room, all resulting in crying meltdowns. Could we blame him? We felt so bad. I tried to comfort him in his first meltdown, but he did not want me - got stiff armed and wouldn't let me pick him up. JJ could pick him up, however. That hurt. I had to cry it out in the bathroom, and buck up. At least he allowed one of us in! That was good - had to take it :) That night, we prepared a bed for him on the floor, but Asher wanted to sleep between us. That was it... My risk management persona melted away again, and I knew some day, this little boy was going to have my heart for keeps. He did trust us. Waking up to the next day would bring some more meltdowns, but there was so much happiness and joy in this little boy that I knew God would have us covered, as we grew into the family God intended us to be.

The rest of our time was sweet and wonderful and just perfect. We got to establish a little connection. We said our, 'See you laters' through Mulunesh, the head nurse that could translate for us. There was much sadness on our parts, but no tears. Our hearts were heavy but also relieved, because Asher was actually so happy to see his friends back at Jane's House. He is loved there, and it is what he knows. We felt good about knowing that in our long separation until we go back to scoop him up forever, he was right where he needed to be. God would continue to open his heart to accept us, and our hearts would grow closer to him in the wait. God is so good that way. A waiting Momma's heart for a child that is not born of our wombs is made to groan, yearn and love more fiercely in that wait. I know my heart does this daily for the one that is not yet a part of our family... So we wait, patiently. This wait is out of our control... Completely resting in Him, the One who knows our hearts and waits until the perfect time to bring us back together. It is a promise from Him that He will bless us all with that perfect timing.

Well, as I said earlier, God's timing is perfect, but this timing happens in a flawed world, so their are risks and hardships, when you step out to follow Him. We found out this past week, that our adoption case is put on hold. We would have cleared Embassy this week, like the rest of the adoptive families we shared our trip with, and be able to go back to ET to pick Asher up possibly by the end of July. This is not the news we wanted to get this week. There is an investigation going on in the region that Asher is from. I get the reasons... ET has a history of corruption, where adoptions are concerned, all in the name of making money: out-right theft of children, confusing families to take children to put up for adoption, etc. These investigations are for the greater good, but Asher has been legally relinquished. His father stood before a court to say this. We appeared in court to legally adopt him. He is ours. Why should we get caught up in this investigation? It only has to do with the fact that Asher is from the region being investigated. We have no date to go back. Asher sits in the orphange wondering why all of the other kids get to go home with their families, while he sits, waiting. Why??? Oh that picture just breaks my heart!

I am a risk manager again, guarding my heart!!! This adoption journey has had its share of blessings and hardships. We groan and yearn again, while we wait, in patience on Him, whose perfect plans for our family will blow our perfect plans out of the water! I wish I didn't have to guard my heart, but we are Christians in a flawed and fallen world.

Please pray for our journey to Asher, patience and peace as we wait on His timing. Pray for Asher's heart. Pray for all of those families stuck like us, wanting to follow through so badly the plans that God has laid out for them, but that are just stuck in the flawed, human adoption system. God will win out. HE ALWAYS does :) Thank you, Lord.

Blessings!

One Day, You WILL Come Find Me, and I will Be an Orphan No More. That Day is HERE!!!

Through many ups and downs, changes in direction, faith-testing walks for our whole family and so many tears of both sadness, fear and joy, these last 2 years are going to bear so much fruit for a little orphan boy named Ashagre and our family of 5 that have the humble priviledge of calling him ours!!!!!!! We get to see our son in less than a week. Oh my WORD :) AHHHHHHHH!

Early on in our adoption process, I found this "prayer" on-line. It brings me to tears every time I read it and think about all the little children all over this great, big world, praying these words and willing them to be truth... an estimated 147 million children worldwide. Open your heart, and read this....

An Orphan's Prayer...

I am waiting...somewhere...far...far... away, on the other side of the world. I may not know who you are or what you look like, but somehow, deep in my heart, I know that you are out there. One day, you will come find me. It's a long journey, and it takes a lot of time... I wish it could be easier. But I know that the ones who come for me will not count the cost. They will only see the joy of finding me. For now, I abide in the fields of the fatherless. Day by day wondering why I was born here and not somewhere else. Asking... why couldn't my life have been different.

It is so lonely... even though I am surrounded by many other children. I know something is missing... I know in my heart I need a place to call home. My arms long to be wrapped in a father's embrace... I long to be saved by a mother's love.

Gazing out the orphanage window, I offer up a prayer of hope, "Oh, God, please help them to come quickly." Even as I lay there in the darkenss each night, somehow I feel assured, that no matter how lost I appear, I am not alone."

"Holy hands guard my steps, sacred fingers wipe my tears, touching my lonely heart. The one who made me, the God that knew me before I was born, hear me every time I call." He whispers His promises in my ear. I listen with hope to His voice.

But what I worry about most is that no one wants to look for me. The fields are vast and there are so many of us scattered all over the earth. I wonder how one little child, so lost can be found?

Yet, He calms my heart and assures me that He will find you! That He will make sure that you hear His voice clearly. He has promised me that He will make a way through the fields. That He will personally cut a path for you and lead you right to my orphanage door.

My prayer is...when He speaks...please don't forget to listen... When He calls, don't be too afraid to go. For I am waiting somewhere far... far... away, on the other side of the world. TO COME HOME!

And... just like that... He found us... Just like that, our path has been cut... Just like that, Asher, once waiting and in need of a family... is now an orphan NO MORE!!!!! June 19, he will legally be ours. We won't and can't count the cost, because I know on that day, God WILL only show us the JOY :)

Please pray for my husband and I as we make the journey to Asher - for safety and that our hearts would be open for the Holy spirit to work, as we connect for the first time. I know we will glimpse Jesus in that face. We are all ready so in love! Please pray for our kiddos in our absence and for family that is managing tournament baseball schedules, soccer try-outs and just the plain busyness that comes with having 3 amazing sons :) Thank you so much!

Blessings!

The Impossible Journey

Our long-awaited birth parent court date came and went last week, May 22, without much fan-fare. We were told that Ashagre's dad did not show for his court appointment, which meant, at that time, that we were all in a holding pattern. Life in the adoption pipeline is very much about waiting, and it is about patience. I am not very good at either; still working on getting better at both, but, thankfully, God has taught me, that, through the waiting and in the patience, as I try to control less and loosen my grip on what can't be controlled, as I trust His control and His plans for us, I have released a huge burden in my life. Control is just selfishness that we can make things turn out our way. God is perfect; we are not. I am so glad He is in control, and that He has taught me this lesson and released this burden through this wait. So the court day came and went, and we waited.

We were all disappointed and pretty sad, but we knew it was a part of God's plans for us and for Ashagre. It is not unusual for a birth parent not to show to court. With such a vast country and without phones, computers, home addresses, calendars, snail mail, etc. how does any birth parent ever make it to court at all?? I am thinking it is sort of like looking for a needle in a haystack, but God controls that; I do not!!!

So, a father made the impossible, difficult, 10-hour journey to a far away city in Ethiopia, a week later, to make the ultimate sacrifice of love... waiving his parental rights to his son, never to see him again, so that his son could have the chance at a better life. This sacrifice is not our control; that is God's control. Oh, our hearts have been heavy about this for weeks, thinking about that scene in the courtroom, playing out while we slept, half-way across the world. What must it have been like for him? Did he think of his son? Did he cry? I can't imagine! Bless him Lord and keep him firmly in your grasp; fill the hole in his heart. Take away his grief and pain. I pray for the ache he must feel. I pray that the Lord shines His face upon him, as he makes the long, hard trip back home and in the coming months and years to come, that he will  have peace!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, Mr. Himdali for making the ultimate sacrifice, so that your little boy, who you have watched grow up for the last 5 years, can be a part of our family.

From heartbreak and sacrifice to our excitement and love that has grown over the last 2 months... the last 2 years, really. Oh, how we have fought for Ashagre! We will now get to see the child that we have prayed so hard for for the last 2 + years. I can hardly believe we will get to touch him, hold him, tickle him, squeeze him, hug him, and get to look into those big, brown eyes. Surely, we will  glimpse the face of Jesus!!!!!!!!! THIS IS REDEMPTION. This is where the wait and our patience and trust in Him will bear its fruit... that is LOVE. Love for us; love for Ashagre. Ashagre passed court. Now, we get to go meet our son, an orphan no more!!

Praise the Lord!

Happy, Happy Mother's Day - What an amazing Year It Has Been

Last year, at this time, my boys surprised me with a new Iphone. At that point in our adoption journey, we were almost done with our paperwork with our old adoption agency. We weren't even on the wait list then. We could only dream about our little one - faceless, nameless, genderless, without an age, without any information. We were only connected by God's rising passion in our hearts to accept this litte one, whenever that would be, whoever that would be. I remember the kids coming to me, after they had time to mess around on my phone, exclaiming that they could pull up Addis Ababa's daily weather and time to save to my phone - that was our connection to Ashagre then... Daily weather and time for where he was. Not much to go on, but we felt attached even then. Oh, what an amazing year it has been...

Our year in review... we completed our paperwork with our old adoption agency and got on their wait list in July of 2012; we waited for 3 months on that waitlist before God nudged us to go in another directionand we received news that our 2 year wait would increase to at least 3-4 years; we got on our new agency's waitlist on March 20, 2013 and had our dossier touch down in Ethiopia on March 27. We accepted the referral for little Ashagre last month - April 24 - and, we have been overwhelmed by God's timing yet again with a, sooner than expected, birth parent court date for May 22 - that is less than a month since we accepted his referral - wow! AHHHHHHHH! That is only 10 days from now!! What an amazing Mother's Day gift. This court date will determine our time to travel to Ethiopia to meet our son for the first time. Our adoption agency was not expecting this date to be until June some time. Now, we will get the opportunity to be able to travel any time between June 3-June 30 to meet Ashagre and see his home for the last 2 months... Jane's House in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Ashagre, once nameless and faceless to us, will be an orphan no more!!!!!!

We are crazy excited, in awe of the Lord's humbling grace and mighty power to not only speed up this process for us but also for Ashagre. For me, to be honest, because I am such a planner - oh, God is working on me every day - LOL, this excitement is tempered with a bit of anxiety over the speed of all of this, as we have to pack, get our kiddos squared away with coverage from family to watch them and their busy schedules, get immunizations, make quicker than expected travel plans, etc. etc, but, we focus on the fact that we are that much closer to hugging, kissing, holding, and hearing Ashagre's laughter. Oh, how I have longed to hear his laughter :)

When May 22 rolls around, we have to be prepared to possibly go less than 2 weeks later. When we go to Africa for our court date and pass court NEXT MONTH, Ashagre will officially be ours... but, then we have to leave him in Addis. When we leave him, even though in the eyes of Ethiopia he is ours, our paperwork has to go to the American Embassy to clear Ashagre to be an American citizen to come home. This could take weeks, so that is why we don't stay there. When we clear embassy, we will get to make travel plans again to go back to Africa to bring Ashagre home :) As this process has happened so very quickly so far, we are hoping that we won't even have to wait a month, before we go back.

We could bring Ashagre home before school starts and have a great deal of family time together before the busyness of a new school year sets in. I am daring to think that way, as things have gone so well. I am allowing myself the untempered joy to think that!! The boys want to teach him to swim, of all things, because, since Ashagre is from a dessert tribe, they think it is so amazing that he has never seen a pool before :) Oh, there is so very much Ashagre hasn't ever seen or experienced before! How amazing to get the opportunity to see things we take for granted every day around us be fresh and new through his eyes!!!!!!!!!!!

We are still fundraising, if you feel led to give financially in any way. We are so close to our traveling expense goal of $10,000, so very humbling that so many are helping us to get our son home!!!!!!!

There are numerous ways in which to help...

1.) You can send a check to our church (tax-deductible), which will  be earmarked for our travel to Africa... Make checks payable to Haven Church - memo Holwerda Adoption to:  

Haven Church
541 Alice ST
Zeeland, MI 49464

2.) You can make a donation to our on-line charity, via secure paypal credit card payament @

                                 www.acharityproject.com/c/tentotravel

3.) You can donate diapers (up to size 2), baby formula small toys for all ages (matchbox cars, coloring books and crayons, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, beanie babies, etc), and/or clothes and shoes for children 0-7 years old. to bless the orphanage with. We are hoping to take at least 2-3 suitcases full of donations to leave with the orphange. There is a great need!!!

As always, your prayers are coveted for our family, little Ashagre and the nealry 160 million orphans that need forever families!! Prayer has moved mountains - we are testimony to that :)

Thank you so much :)

Let God Dazzle You... WE Got Our Referral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since my last post, over a month ago, we finished our dossier with our new agency (and it actually got sent to Ethiopia this time - touchdown was March 27th - whoo hoo), got on the wait list at #45 (we were #99 at our old agency - amazing movement forward), and we have been dazzled by God's amazing love, grace, mercy and perfect timing in ALL things ever since...

God is so good! I had a friend text me on the eve of our church fundraiser to raise money for our adoption traveling expenses last night saying simply, "Let God dazzle you!" I thought that was the perfect statement about what God is doing in our lives through this adoption journey. So many people showed up to offer their support to not only our family but also to our little one so far away. We were dazzled and so very grateful!! It was a great night indeed! JJ elected me to talk to everyone on behalf of our family about our story (God's story really). Sure, give the microphone to the panic attack sufferer - LOL! I had prayed so hard that my words would be the words God wanted me to utter, and I believe God was speaking through me that night. I was clear; I was able to speak of what was on my heart; I have never before been able to share so clearly what this call to adopt has meant to us in our faith walks, in our relationship with God, and in our deepened understanding of trusting in HIS timing and HIS perfect plans for our family. JJ even cried :) We stepped out on a limb with our faith in choosing to follow HIM in this way, and we have been dazzled. It hasn't all been razzle dazzle, but I really would not change a day of the last year and a half of our lives.

At 3:30 the day before our fundraiser, I got a phone call from our adoption agency. I was at work, so I could not answer the call. I called back a little while later, but our case worker was on the other line, so I had to leave a message. I must tell you; I knew something big was about to happen!! While on our way home that night, THE call came. We heard the sweet, dazzling words we longed to hear, "Sara and John, we have a referral for you!" Instant tears, and I fell to my knees. I think I heard every word she said, but I can't be sure. His name is Ashagre. He is 5 years old, and he is the most amazing sight... Beautiful with his big, doe-eyes and a smile that lights up the room. I wish I could show you a picture, but I can't publicly share his picture for privacy reasons. I have a few pics on my phone you can sneak a peak at, if you ever run into me out and about :)

We accepted the referral the same day as our fundraiser - so dazzling and amazing is God's timing of this. In fact, I announced our referral for the first time at our fundraiser - best.day.ever! Our case worker's mom was instrumental in putting together our church funraiser - so dazzling and amazing! A Zeeland Christian family (our kiddos' school) is at the very orphanage where our Ashagre is, and they have been able to send current pics of our little guy. Ashagre's referral picture is very grainy, and he was so malnourished then. You could just see the fear in this little guy's eyes. Daddy, are you ever going to come back?? Ashagre's story for a five year old is so sad to hear - breaks our hearts. We pray for a father that had to make the most awful choice - brings me to tears just to write it down. But, to see current pics of our little guy is so priceless, because you can really see what 3 square meals a day for 6 weeks can do - round little cheeks and a little less fear in his eyes. Ashagre will have a little piece of home just down the street from where we live (literally a few blocks away), not only because of the little girl this family is adopting but also because the dad became buddies with Ashagre the week they were there, and they had no idea of our referral - be dazzled!!! Thank you, God! I have also connected with a family that was at Ashagre's orphanage the day he was brought there. I got to hear that story and get a glimpse into our son's personality before we even meet him - be dazzled!

As you can see, our story has the hand prints of God all over it. Only God could have done such amazing things - all on behalf of one of the least of these in this world to have a forever home. That is love. We serve a God of love!!!!

From here, our paperwork gets submitted to birth mom court. This is where we need prayer warriors, not only praying for Ashagre but also praying for our paperwork to have smooth sailing from here on out. Our birth mom court date could happen any time, but the estimation is in June some time. After birth mom court, our paperwork gets submitted to court. This is the date that will bring us to Africa for the first time to see our little one face-to-face, and Ashagre will officially be ours!! That time frame is estimated at late July. The Ethiopian courts close for August and September, so we are praying for at least the first trip to happen before then, or we wait until October. God can and will dazzle us with the perfect timing of this, too. I am SURE of this! We have seen this perfect timing - it exists!! After court and seeing our precious bundle, we will go home for a few months and wait for the final court date appointment, at which time we will go to Africa to see our son and finalize his situation to come home - what a glorious day that will be. I know I will be DAZZLED then :)

We are trying to raise funds to go to Africa. Our hope is to raise at least $10,000, so we have created an on-line charity called Ten To Travel. If you feel like giving to us, it is via paypal and your credit card (secured site), please simply plug this address into the web, and it will take you right to our charity:

www.acharityproject.com/c/tentotravel

The site is very easy to maneuver. You can also read more about our adoption journey on this page, so just check it out! 

At the very least, keep Ashagre and our family and the plight of so many orphans waiting for their forever families in your prayers, as that can also support in too many ways to count!

I pray that you are dazzled by catching a glimpse of our God's amazing love and perfect timing in your lives today and always! He is there every day; some days the dazzle is strong; some days you wonder if the dazzle is really there or ever was. We are testimony that if you look for God's dazzle, and you follow His call for your life, whatever that is, you WILL be dazzled, too!

BE DAZZLED!!!!!!!!!

"For I Know The Plans I Have For You," Declares the LORD!! - Jeremiah 29:11

Since November, the month of my last post, we set about to dissolve our contract with our old agency. This, unfortunately has been a difficult process and has taken a great deal of time, most of December until now, the beginning of March. It was easy to sign the contract that dissolved our tie to our old agency, but to get our paperwork back from them and convert it over to our new agency has not been easy. Our old agency asked for more money, which didn't set well with us, as we felt that was just plain unneccessary, but only made clear the new path we were taking with our new agency, who has done nothing but work within all of the fees we already paid. We paid the money, but it has been one problem after another. We know who orchestrates the plans for our lives, and He is allowing these minor bumps to happen for a reason, whatever thoses reason may be... We know God is bigger than these little setbacks. I must confess, however, that this part of our adoption process, at least, for me, has been the most difficult time so far. I have experienced a lot of tears, and all of us have been so frustrated. The adoption process some days beats us down, when I picture our sweet child being stuck because of this red tape. We try not to dwell on the details and think only of the end result!!! We know, through our faith in our Lord and savior and through His promises to us, that we WILL move forward and that it will be the best plan for all of us - plans to prosper us, not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future....

We are encouraged by our new agency's philosophy, people, and shorter wait time. Once our paperwork is converted (we thought we had it all done this weekend, only to find out a date was incorrect, and, as crazy as this sounds, because of this incorrect date, we are stuck, until a new original document can be made - isn't that crazy?), we can move forward with our new agency and finally be done with our old agency - yay! My hope is that by this coming week, our documents can be checked over, sent to Ethiopia, and then translated. Once the documents are translated, we can be matched with our child. We don't even need to deal with waitlists with our new agency, because we are the only family that wants a child over the age of 2. Yay, we went from being #100 on our old agency's waitlist to #1 on our new agency's wait list. This change has saved us at least a year, possibly 2 years of waiting. That is really priceless!!

So much has happened to our family in this wait, though, that has been amazing and can only be from God (all a part of HIS amazing plan).........

Our oldest son, who has severe ADD, who has struggled with reading for years, has really made some amazing strides this year at school. He went from reading at a 4th-grade level at the beginning of 6th-grade to reading at a 6th-grade level this past month. All of his hard work and struggling and our hard work with him and struggling have paid off!! This has been a huge answer to prayer on behalf of so many to get him where he needs to be... Thank you God. We can't tell you what a victory this has been. We credit God for this stride forward. It has only bolstered his confidence and helped him to see and feel his reliance on God for things... Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." He could actually connect a verse in the Bible with his struggles. It was an a-ha moment and very meaningful for us all.

I also have to mention this amazing story, because, as small of an event as it was, it made a huge impact on my faith.... I have had some health issues the last few months, which required me to have to go in to the hospital for an MRI in early February. To say that I don't like small spaces is pretty much an understatement. I freak out. I have had several MRI's in the past and know my limitations. Of course, I was going in to be checked out for MS, which was scary in and of itself, also. I got a card of encouragement from a friend that week before the MRI appointment, and she wrote some of the lyrics from Chris Tomlin's song "Whom Shall I Fear" in the card. At the exact time I opened the card in the car, while the radio was playing, that song came on the radio - wow! That was amazing. If you have ever had an MRI done, you know that they can play music into your ear phones, while you are in the tube. I asked my friend, who is a local Christian radio personality, the night before the MRI appointment, to play a certain song for me at a certain time of the day, so I would know I was half way through the appointement, that her voice would be there with me in the tube, and that I could have that song to look forward to hearing. The song, of course, was "Whom Shall I fear". I went to the MRI appointment armed with my iphone (for radio streaming into the tube), my blindfold, and 2 vallums :) I was ready - LOL!!!

The first thing the MRI tech asked me is if I had ever had a contrast MRI (they insert dye into your body through a needle); well, I was going to have a contrast dye MRI that day - surprise! I had never had one - DEEP BREATH, as I don't like needles and it meant a longer MRI appointment - boo. Then, I asked him if he could stream my iphone into the tube. He said he could - whew. I put my blindfold on as soon as I got in the room - the less I had in my sights the better. The tech put me onto the table, but told me that he could not get my phone to load. I'd have to listen to a Christian radio station from satellite - DEEP BREATH. At least it was still Christian radio... The test began. About 10 minutes into the test, I began to have a panic attack...My heart started racing; I felt like I was being strangled and couldn't breathe; I wanted to scream out that I couldn't continue. Then, all of a sudden, I heard "Whom Shall I Fear" pipe into my ears! Are you kiding me? I started to cry and immediately began to calm down :) I heard my girlfriend's voice come on the radio. The tech got my phone to stream JUST as my song came on the radio - PTL!!! The tech asked if that was my song, and I said yes. How did he know? He said he just knew. We got to talkling about Christian music and if he attended church, and he did attend church. He was so kind and accomodating to me. PTL! I was given the dye injection for the contrast test, and I hardly flinched. I felt a wave of peace come over me like never before. Was it the vallum? I think not!! God had moved me in this small but significant way. Prayer for calm and for a good test were answered. I will never forget being a part of that little miracle in my life. I do not have MS, AND I conquered the dreaded tube :)

These small victories in the grand scheme of life may seem small, but they are significant to us!! In a stretch of months where we have felt like our adoption process is just stuck, we cling to these victories and KNOW that God does move and orchestrate and control and give us peace and love us and want only the best for our lives. We know He can move this adoption process along tomorrow, if necessary, but maybe we aren't ready just yet. We need to see and experience more of HIM before we can move forward. We pray for our little bundle in Africa... We pray he or she is healthy. We pray he or she is being provided for. We pray that our child is loved in a very real way by the KING!

We are coming little one; WE ARE COMING!!

l