We have been a family of 6 for just over 7 months now, and, life is really amazing! So many wonderful things have happened to us since my last post 3 months ago... so many more firsts, many new milestones, and many new family growing pains. God continues to weave together His beautiful story tapestry in our lives, as we live this life for Him!
We recently felt convicted by God to have Asher baptized! It was no coincidence to us that the day he got baptized was the day that he was home with us for 6 months exactly. It was a wonderful way to mark that day! We all woke up feeling so poured into by God. There was a calm that morning, a peace that said, "Rest in ME today!" If your Sunday mornings are anything like ours, throwing shoes, coats and clothes on and gobbling our food, as we run out the door, as we try to make it to church on time, then, you know that peace on that day can only come from God :) We got to church early, yep, a small assembly line had to happen that night to prepare for an organized run, but it was all good.
We greeted family and friends that came to share in Asher's special day. I mean to say, all of the praying and pleading to God from us and our family and friends the last 2 1/2 years to get a referral, to get Asher home and then to acclimate Asher into our family, seemed to all be coming to a close, because, in reality, Asher's baptism was the true reason we all prayed so much for Asher to join our family in the first place... to become a child of God and be marked in that special covenant. Here is our little Muslim child, being marked by God! God, you are mighty to be praised! Hallelujah! There was not a dry eye in our family. Asher was sooooo ready for his special day. He knew it was special and that is was just for him :)
Our whole family got called to the front of the church by our minister. The waterworks began immediately for me, just seeing my little men, dressed up, hair done special, and surrounding their new brother in love! My husband grabbed my hand, and the minister began to speak about this being a symbolic time for everyone to take stock in the fact that we are all adopted into God's family. God will leave no one an orphan; He will come to us... Sniff, sniff! The water began to drizzle down Asher's forehead and clothes (funny side note here - I had put an overly, zealous amount of coconut oil on Asher's head that morning to moisturize and get him ready for his day, so the copious amount of water used to baptize Asher (I mean, we are talking handfuls) beaded off of his head as well as dripped - it was kind of comical, like his head was a forcefield for water - ha); I baptize you, Asher John Holwerda, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Our good friend played his guitar and sang "Kings and Queens" by Audio Adrenaline (a song that meant so much to us in our wait for Asher), while the slide show (that our oldest son put together with me - so special to see what pictures of our journey to and with Asher meant so much to him) of Asher played behind him. What a gift to be able to share with so many in our church and a keepsake we will always have to play for Asher days into the future to reassure him that God meant for him to be with us, reassure him that we love him, reassure him that he may not have grown in mommy's tummy, but that he did grow in our hearts!
Well, with baptism, came some unexpected dialogue with Asher about "E.T.opia", as he calls it. For 6 months, Asher has said nothing about his time in Ethiopia, and we have not asked - understood that he would talk when he was ready: able to trust us, able to find the right words, and be able to muster up the right emotions. The conversation about E.T.opia started one day after school, as we were talking about baptism and the water that the minister would put on Asher's head. Asher began in on a long conversation about taking baths and showers in Africa. It was just very matter-of-fact with straight details, but, we were floored that he was talking about it at ALL. This was huge, so we didn't press our luck by pressing him with any more questions at that time. After another week, Asher began talking about E.T.opia a lot: I ate mice; I had friends there; I got spankings; people used fire to cook food in their houses; the lights go out a lot there; me no like it there, me like it here now... The E.T.opia baggage slowly but surely seems to be getting unpacked. What a brave and trusting little boy for him to talk about his life there and, at the same time, rectify it with his life here. We pray that this "unpacking" continues to go well for Asher, and that we can be as supportive of him as he needs! Our other boys love to encourage life talk about E.T.opia out of Asher, so they are always asking shallow questions to get Asher to talk - so cute. They are curious, and so are we, but this totally has to be on Asher's terms, so we wait for more nuggets to come out of his "suitcase'!
We reunited Asher with the little boy he grew up with in his tribe and that was found with Asher in ET abandoned. The last time they saw each other was in Sept 2013, when we came to bring Asher home with us. When we left, both Asher and Segno cried. It was heartbreaking to separate them, but we knew they'd see each other again, as the family that adopted Segno lives only 4 hours away. God places so many wonderful new friends in your life because of adoption. It has been great to have this family in our life, sharing in the growing pains of our boys' lives. And, even though the boys were so shy with each other at first, but you could tell there was a knowing in each other's eyes that they share something no one else on this earth shares but the two of them. Thank you, God, that they will always have each other. Who knows where God will weave their stories together in the future!
Baptism and reuniting Asher and Segno were certainly two of the most important things we did with Asher in the last 3 months, but so was changing Asher's birth year. What I waited 6 months to do, because I think I was in paperwork denial, took only about 25 minutes to complete... We finally changed Asher's birth certificate. He is officially a 4 year old little boy and no longer a 6 year old. Many factors played into this change, as you may be curious about how we arrived at the decision (while changing older children's birthdates is uncommon, it is not rare)... Asher was assessed by a pediatrician in ET, when he was first found in March of 2013. This man put Asher at age 4. When we saw Asher for the first time in June 2013, we knew he was younger than his referral paperwork showed. He is a very tiny child. When Asher came home in Sept 2014, both our pediatric dentist and our pediatrician said that changing his birth year to reflect an age of 4 would certainly be appropriate. Yes, we are able to give Asher the gift of time, which is a huge victory for him emotionally, spiritually, physically, and academically!! We did not change his birthdate, just the year he was born. During the whole process of moving forward with our adoption, filling out paperwork, praying for our child and so on, and even though our home study was set for our family to accept a referral for a little boy or girl age 2-6, God gave me my heart's desire. I prayed for a 4 year old little boy, and that is exactly what God gave to us! Oh, God is so GOOD! That part of Asher's E.T.opia life can now be unpacked. He boldly tells everyone he is 4 :) Asher now has an official Michigan birth certificate that reflects his new age, and he has a social security number. You can't get more American than that :) All "adoption" matters are now closed and finalized. There is no more paperwork or details to work through. He is officially a Holwerda in every legal sense! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy. That is a huge burden lifted.
The day-to-day routine in our lives seems to be settling in. That has been great for ALL of us. Asher continues to do well in school and continues to love going there, on the bus especially. He refers to himself in the 3rd-person always, which is so cute that I don't have it in me to correct him or work on that right now, "Asher me want you, Mommy, to picture me!" So cute. All the kids at school just love on him. He really is like a little rock star there. Kids I don't know or have never seen before ask for high fives from him daily and say, "That is Asher's mommy", when I walk down the hallways with or without Asher. It is so beautiful that so many have embraced our little guy. He tells everyone that asks or doesn't ask that he is 4 1/2. Oh, that half is so important. Some things are cross-culture - HA! Since, he is officially 4 with an October birthday, he will repeat young 5's next year. He finally will have a spot in school that makes sense and will be able to fully invest himself in friendships that can last throughout his schooling. So excited to begin anew next year, just like all of our other kids :)
At home, our family continues to go through some growing pains, especially between Asher and Chase, our 2 youngest. That relationship has been more slow to grow. There is competition there and there is a child who has been the baby of our family for 9 years. Chase is an extreme toe-head, very bright white hair. He has always had people touching his hair. Now, everyone wants to touch Asher's hair. Chase is so used to having everyone play with him; he is not used to having to initiate and be the leader in play. Chase wants to enfold his brother, and Asher wants to play with Chase (their personalities are so opposite, that they will make amazing playmates one day). Asher loves on his older 2 brothers, like they are his 2nd and 3rd dads. As a mom to all boys, those relationships mean so much for me to see, how our boys will be with their own children some day. They could be tired from a full day of school and sports practice, but they always greet Asher with a big hug and rough housing and smiles. The boys all really love one another so much and in such a short amount of time. It is so beautiful to see that relationship and love grow right before our eyes :) God not only chose us to adopt Asher into our family, but he chose our boys, too, to be big brothers, and God has prepared their hearts to love Asher!!! Sooooo good :)
A fun side note: Asher loves and is quite obsessed with our hair (my hair, the boys' hair, etc.). He plays with it, brushes it constantly (I, of course LOVE that - oh my word), just loves the way it moves. He says, "Asher's hair no move, Mom. Asher's hair sits still. Holwerda's hair is alive, Mom!" So cute, but so astute for a 4 year old to pick up on that difference. Makes us smile and makes us a bit mindful of that difference between he and us, but we love moments of recognition like this as we move to embrace it. Other fun things come out, too, like how Asher is "dark", and we are "pink". Ashers's palms and the bottoms of his feet are like ours - pink. When Asher scrapes his skin, he is like us, white inside :) We love his differences and celebrate how God has made him unique!
Today, April 24, 2014, marks 1 year since we saw Asher's sweet referral picture for the first time! I will never forget that referral phone call. I was so nervous. I was so excited. I tried to listen to every word - soak it in. To finally hear the words, we have a referral for your family of a 5 year old little boy (IT'S A BOY - ahhhhhh, we were to have 4 boys in our family - yay, God), and finally glimpse the face of the child that God picked just for us before we were born and through the hardships, challenges and joys of the last 2 years, it was so surreal! We finally got to say yes to God's call by accepting the referral and finally got to dream of a future with a little boy named Ashagre. It was almost too much goodness to take in!! Then, we got to tell our boys. Do you think boy or girl? Conner - boy. Carson - boy. Chase - boy! Ha! They knew! Then, we got to show Asher's picture to them. Conner - cried. Carson - fist pump in the air. Chase - "Hmmmmm, Mom and Dad, he looks so scared. Can you go get him soon, so he can know us and not be scared?!" Yes, Chase, that is the plan :) 2 months later, we went on our first trip to meet Asher and finalize the Ethiopian end of our adoption. 3 months after that, we went to E.T.opia to bring Asher HOME!
And, God's story is still not done :) We continue to live it out, the plans He has for our lives as a family of 6, unpacking the E.T.opia baggage one day at a time!! Thank you, God!!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
4 Months Home - So Many Firsts! Such Blessings.
Well, we have been home together as a family with Asher for 4 months - January 14 - my husband's birthday (yeah, that coincidence wasn't lost on us - so cool)! Wow. Time flies... Life has been super busy, with soccer schedules, basketball and the busyness that 4 boys bring, but life has been so, so good!
Our first in-home social worker visit is complete, and went well, with 1 more in-home visit that will come at 1 year, and then we will do a report and mini-photo album each year chronicling our years with Asher, until he is 18 years old.
Our family really feels like it has been a family of 6 forever. Asher is adjusting so well, after a bumpy start. He sleeps each night in his bedroom with the lights off now (just a glow bracelet or mini flashlight - kind of cute really)... just simply asked for us to turn off the lights one night and every night since. He is going to school every day, all day now, which has been a bit harder physically, but emotionally this has helped him feel like he has "fit" in like his brothers, and it is going so well. We moved him into Young 5's from kindergarten, which has been a much better fit for him academically. He works on vocabulary and how to do school in the mornings one-on-one, with some amazing, Godly women, who love on him, like I would at home (so blessed to have them in Asher's life) and then on to young 5's in the afternoon after lunch and recess :) He has come a long way!
He survived his first Halloween - was very frightened at first by all of the scary costumes in our neighborhood, but he got the concept of getting candy very quickly :) He was the cutest shark ever. Our older boys loved seeing Halloween through his eyes this year!
He has had his first Thanksgiving and first Christmas with us, too! We send our boys to a Christian school, so in this Christmas season, it has been fun to see the art work that Asher brings home and listen to him as he explains his drawings about the baby Jesus in the "major", with the "shepbirds" and the "agels" and "wiseamen" and the star. Just 6 months ago, Asher knew nothing of baby Jesus, and now he knows baby Jesus' birth story, and that Jesus was sent for him. Praise the Lord! Our older boys are seeing a fresh perspective, and so are we. Asher also got to experience Santa, bc in our household, Santa brings us Baby Jesus birthday gifts (it's a stretch, I know, don't judge us - ha). We give our boys 3 presents each. If it was good enough for baby Jesus to get 3 gifts, it is good enough for us :) Asher's excitement at getting a full stocking, when he woke up Christmas morning was infectious to us all. Our older boys no longer believe in Santa, so they were all too excited to play along for the benefit of their little brother! Christmas morning was so fun. No family get-togethers or crazy holiday running around, just our new family, hanging out, playing with our new gadgets, gizmos and toys. We took a walk in the new fallen snow and the ice that had come a few days before - peace and God's beauty all around us. It was a perfect thing to do on such a wonderful day!
Asher's language is coming along great. He can totally communicate with us his needs, wants and dislikes - a huge testimony to Asher's desire to communicate in his new language and the fact that being in an immersion setting is the best way to learn a new language. Oh, to be a child and have that sponge-like mind to absorb so much new! He is amazing. God is amazing to have hand-picked this little guy for our family, before we were even born. It is both humbling and also truly amazing to know that each night we kiss his forehead, see him experience something new, hear him laugh with his brothers, say something out of the blue that just cracks us up, see his personality come out more and more each day, and even see him assert himself for what he wants is all a part of a plan that some days during our adoption process we sometimes doubted would ever happen!
Asher and I are doing much better these days... hugs and kisses, when I ask for them or bribe him for, and an occasional "I love you." :) Praise the Lord!! He is calling JJ and I Mommy and Daddy now, instead of Mama and Papa. Truth be told, even though I knew we were called to adopt an older child, I was very nervous about how this plan would affect our family. An older child, after all, does come with more of a past and more memories (both very painful and wonderfully happy) and a certain set of challenges, but God has put all of those fears and thoughts out of my mind with each first we experience together and each little victory forward we have together as a family. Our boys have adjusted well to the "new kid on the block", too. After all, God didn't just call my husband and I to this adoption, He also called our children. We have seen them grow in ways that are sometimes hard to watch but are amazingly beautiful, too. For example, the boys don't waste food on their plates anymore, because they know what Asher had to endure in the 5 years before he came to us. They are very aware of God's calling on their lives and that this calling makes them responsible stewards of this call. They are even more aware what it means to sacrifice, that life isn't always easy in waiting for and walking out God's call, but it is oh so good, if you trust and then follow God's leading. Our dinner discussions and Christmas break discussions were and continue to be so awesome ;) This isn't to say that everything has been smooth sailing. We have 4 boys in this family now. They still fight. They still argue. They still get hurt feelings. They push each other's buttons and can frustrate the heck out of us, but the good far outweighs the bad!!!!!
Asher has gotten to experience Skyzone (an indoor trampoline fun center), had his first Krispy Kreme Doughnut, see his first snow, eaten his first fast food, experience his first school field trip to a local pizza place (which I totally volunteered to go on and was rewarded with pizza - yes), had his first sledding and snowball fun (he can't get enough of the snow), had his first, second and tenth ride on a snowmobile, gotten to swim for the first time over Christmas break at our local, indoor aquatic center, had his first ride on the bus, etc, etc. Whew, he has loved it and welcomed it all with a bit of shyness at first but then with major joy. Asher's joy and laugh are totally inspiring to us :) We all fall in love with him a little more after each of his victories, gluing us all together through him!
God is good all of the time; all of the time God is good! Through the challenges of the wait during the adoption process, to the most difficult and hard first few weeks home, to the numerous firsts, countless laughs and smiles, to the tears, when he gets hurt, and lastly, Asher getting to know his personal savior more and more every day, God is in it ALL... orchestrating a beautiful and amazing life we could have never dreamed of for ourselves! We can't say enough about how listening to God's call on our family has changed us, refined us, redeemed us, and, in short, made us so much more joyful in our lives than we have ever been. That was God's promise to us, and He delivered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blessings!
Our first in-home social worker visit is complete, and went well, with 1 more in-home visit that will come at 1 year, and then we will do a report and mini-photo album each year chronicling our years with Asher, until he is 18 years old.
Our family really feels like it has been a family of 6 forever. Asher is adjusting so well, after a bumpy start. He sleeps each night in his bedroom with the lights off now (just a glow bracelet or mini flashlight - kind of cute really)... just simply asked for us to turn off the lights one night and every night since. He is going to school every day, all day now, which has been a bit harder physically, but emotionally this has helped him feel like he has "fit" in like his brothers, and it is going so well. We moved him into Young 5's from kindergarten, which has been a much better fit for him academically. He works on vocabulary and how to do school in the mornings one-on-one, with some amazing, Godly women, who love on him, like I would at home (so blessed to have them in Asher's life) and then on to young 5's in the afternoon after lunch and recess :) He has come a long way!
He survived his first Halloween - was very frightened at first by all of the scary costumes in our neighborhood, but he got the concept of getting candy very quickly :) He was the cutest shark ever. Our older boys loved seeing Halloween through his eyes this year!
He has had his first Thanksgiving and first Christmas with us, too! We send our boys to a Christian school, so in this Christmas season, it has been fun to see the art work that Asher brings home and listen to him as he explains his drawings about the baby Jesus in the "major", with the "shepbirds" and the "agels" and "wiseamen" and the star. Just 6 months ago, Asher knew nothing of baby Jesus, and now he knows baby Jesus' birth story, and that Jesus was sent for him. Praise the Lord! Our older boys are seeing a fresh perspective, and so are we. Asher also got to experience Santa, bc in our household, Santa brings us Baby Jesus birthday gifts (it's a stretch, I know, don't judge us - ha). We give our boys 3 presents each. If it was good enough for baby Jesus to get 3 gifts, it is good enough for us :) Asher's excitement at getting a full stocking, when he woke up Christmas morning was infectious to us all. Our older boys no longer believe in Santa, so they were all too excited to play along for the benefit of their little brother! Christmas morning was so fun. No family get-togethers or crazy holiday running around, just our new family, hanging out, playing with our new gadgets, gizmos and toys. We took a walk in the new fallen snow and the ice that had come a few days before - peace and God's beauty all around us. It was a perfect thing to do on such a wonderful day!
Asher's language is coming along great. He can totally communicate with us his needs, wants and dislikes - a huge testimony to Asher's desire to communicate in his new language and the fact that being in an immersion setting is the best way to learn a new language. Oh, to be a child and have that sponge-like mind to absorb so much new! He is amazing. God is amazing to have hand-picked this little guy for our family, before we were even born. It is both humbling and also truly amazing to know that each night we kiss his forehead, see him experience something new, hear him laugh with his brothers, say something out of the blue that just cracks us up, see his personality come out more and more each day, and even see him assert himself for what he wants is all a part of a plan that some days during our adoption process we sometimes doubted would ever happen!
Asher and I are doing much better these days... hugs and kisses, when I ask for them or bribe him for, and an occasional "I love you." :) Praise the Lord!! He is calling JJ and I Mommy and Daddy now, instead of Mama and Papa. Truth be told, even though I knew we were called to adopt an older child, I was very nervous about how this plan would affect our family. An older child, after all, does come with more of a past and more memories (both very painful and wonderfully happy) and a certain set of challenges, but God has put all of those fears and thoughts out of my mind with each first we experience together and each little victory forward we have together as a family. Our boys have adjusted well to the "new kid on the block", too. After all, God didn't just call my husband and I to this adoption, He also called our children. We have seen them grow in ways that are sometimes hard to watch but are amazingly beautiful, too. For example, the boys don't waste food on their plates anymore, because they know what Asher had to endure in the 5 years before he came to us. They are very aware of God's calling on their lives and that this calling makes them responsible stewards of this call. They are even more aware what it means to sacrifice, that life isn't always easy in waiting for and walking out God's call, but it is oh so good, if you trust and then follow God's leading. Our dinner discussions and Christmas break discussions were and continue to be so awesome ;) This isn't to say that everything has been smooth sailing. We have 4 boys in this family now. They still fight. They still argue. They still get hurt feelings. They push each other's buttons and can frustrate the heck out of us, but the good far outweighs the bad!!!!!
Asher has gotten to experience Skyzone (an indoor trampoline fun center), had his first Krispy Kreme Doughnut, see his first snow, eaten his first fast food, experience his first school field trip to a local pizza place (which I totally volunteered to go on and was rewarded with pizza - yes), had his first sledding and snowball fun (he can't get enough of the snow), had his first, second and tenth ride on a snowmobile, gotten to swim for the first time over Christmas break at our local, indoor aquatic center, had his first ride on the bus, etc, etc. Whew, he has loved it and welcomed it all with a bit of shyness at first but then with major joy. Asher's joy and laugh are totally inspiring to us :) We all fall in love with him a little more after each of his victories, gluing us all together through him!
God is good all of the time; all of the time God is good! Through the challenges of the wait during the adoption process, to the most difficult and hard first few weeks home, to the numerous firsts, countless laughs and smiles, to the tears, when he gets hurt, and lastly, Asher getting to know his personal savior more and more every day, God is in it ALL... orchestrating a beautiful and amazing life we could have never dreamed of for ourselves! We can't say enough about how listening to God's call on our family has changed us, refined us, redeemed us, and, in short, made us so much more joyful in our lives than we have ever been. That was God's promise to us, and He delivered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blessings!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Oh, The Places We Will Go - How Far We have Come in the Last 6 Weeks
To understand how far we have come, you need to know where we started... 6 weeks ago! So I will start with our 2nd trip to Ethiopia and end with Asher's first week of school... that is a lot of living in just 6 weeks! Ahhhhh, it is good stuff, people!
God's story of love, redemption and adoption through our family unfolds each and every day, as we go places as a family that we never thought we'd go! I love to read Dr. Seuss' book Oh, The Places You Will Go with our boys. It is a classic book with so many layers for not only children but also adults, so it feels like the appropriate theme to share with you our experiences as a family, since we have been home with Asher for the last 5 weeks now! It seems like yesterday to us all that we stepped onto an airplane to bring our son home, but it also feels like we have lived a lifetime in those 6 weeks! Here are just a few places we have gone, that we never would have gone had God not been in EVERY detail, in every minute, in each raw and challenging moment, in every smile, in every laugh, in every joyous breakthrough - whew! God is GOOD, and to Him be the glory for this story that He has created through us and for us to tell :)
God's story of love, redemption and adoption through our family unfolds each and every day, as we go places as a family that we never thought we'd go! I love to read Dr. Seuss' book Oh, The Places You Will Go with our boys. It is a classic book with so many layers for not only children but also adults, so it feels like the appropriate theme to share with you our experiences as a family, since we have been home with Asher for the last 5 weeks now! It seems like yesterday to us all that we stepped onto an airplane to bring our son home, but it also feels like we have lived a lifetime in those 6 weeks! Here are just a few places we have gone, that we never would have gone had God not been in EVERY detail, in every minute, in each raw and challenging moment, in every smile, in every laugh, in every joyous breakthrough - whew! God is GOOD, and to Him be the glory for this story that He has created through us and for us to tell :)
OH, THE PLACES YOU WILL GO...
Ethiopia to home (September 9-September 14)
Ethiopia to home (September 9-September 14)
--a total of 34 hours of being on airplanes with a 5 year old, who slept for 11 hours :)
--a goodbye ceremony with coffee, popcorn and bread at the orphanage to say goodbye to the care workers and children that were our son's world for the last 6 months of his life... sniff, sniff
--Asher's tears, and the tears of a few friends, as we left the orphanage, quite likely never to return again, but oh such a brave little guy to leave with the family God ordained us to be
--a traditional Ethiopian dinner at Alemu's home -- complete with a good goat slaughter to celebrate the Ethiopian New Year. Always room in my life for more firsts, but I hope there isn't a second like that one - hmmmm, it was interesting...
--with Alemu (the AAI adoption manager in Ethiopia), our last opportunity to communicate with our son in his language: Tell him we love him; tell him he will be called Asher, when we get to America; tell him he has brothers and a family who love him all ready; tell him he will be going on an airplane to America to live with us; tell him a whole family, church, school and town love him
--with Alemu (the AAI adoption manager in Ethiopia), our last opportunity to communicate with our son in his language: Tell him we love him; tell him he will be called Asher, when we get to America; tell him he has brothers and a family who love him all ready; tell him he will be going on an airplane to America to live with us; tell him a whole family, church, school and town love him
--the excitement in a little boy's eyes to go on an airplane but then the shear fear and panic in his eyes, as the reality of what crossing that airport threshold really means... broke us both to see that look of fear in the eyes of our son and knowing it was because of us and the crazy unknown that was making him look so afraid
--the 4 hours waiting in line at the check-in counter at the airport, because the computers went down 2 times due to power outages. JJ had to hold Asher the entire 4 hours, as Asher was too afraid to be in this airport "on his own"
--a renewed/strengthened love for my husband, as I saw him in a whole new light on this trip. He had to care for Asher's every need, because it is my husband that Asher continually wanted for everything. I could see the love in my husband's eyes grow, and I could see God's peace, as he cared so lovingly for our scared, sweet peanut. That is a good look for my husband :) I had to praise God, because this adoption seed was planted in my heart first. JJ came to this calling a bit later in the picture, and now, he was the parent Asher wanted to bond to first - God is good. Love the man I am with!!!
--a renewed/strengthened love for my husband, as I saw him in a whole new light on this trip. He had to care for Asher's every need, because it is my husband that Asher continually wanted for everything. I could see the love in my husband's eyes grow, and I could see God's peace, as he cared so lovingly for our scared, sweet peanut. That is a good look for my husband :) I had to praise God, because this adoption seed was planted in my heart first. JJ came to this calling a bit later in the picture, and now, he was the parent Asher wanted to bond to first - God is good. Love the man I am with!!!
--Soooo many tears in the middle of the night on a crowded airplane, as I grieved leaving African soil for quite possibly the last time in our lives. I grieved for our son, sleeping soundly between my husband and I: his loss of culture, his loss of language, his loss of biological family, his loss of everything familiar, his loss of people, his loss of identity. Had we done what was right, and it was too late to turn back now! Oh the places we will go...
--Touching down on American soil in DC and really feeling for the first time that we were truly a family... in our familiar surroundings. This was real and oh so exciting. Seeing my aunt at the DC airport - our first family to see us as a family. God had turned my mourning into joy!
--The last leg home from DC to see our awaiting family and friends in GR. Asher not wanting to get off of that plane. What was our brave peanut thinking at this moment? Oh my goodness, we were almost HOME!!!
--I could't wait to see our boys and have them meet their new brother for the first time... a brother they could only pray about and think about in their minds by looking at our trip pictures and a few videos. What were they thinking - oh, I longed to hug them and pull them close, as I missed them so much in being apart from them for a second time in 3 months.
--the amazing support of family and friends waiting at the airport to see our new family. Tears, joy, disbelief, and then, a little boy overwhelmed by travel and the whole ordeal, who tried to run back up the runway. JJ chasing after him, met with kicking feet and flailing arms - what a great picture of Jesus pursuing us - running toward us, as we kick and scream, but HE will NOT leave us as orphans!
--a scared and quiet little boy, as he hid in the corner of our garage, tears streaming down his face, when we finally made it home, not wanting to move and then a break for the open road. He ran with all of his might down the road, with our boys running after him. Where was he going? It was so sad to just watch him run and know there was nowhere but our home, a foreign place, that he was attached to at that very moment
--after 45 minutes in a closed garage, our boys trying desperately to coax their brother into their home, our home, with food, stuffed animals and toys, so that Asher would walk into our home of his own free-will; we eventually carried him into our home in our arms, kicking and screaming. He wanted no part, until he saw a picture of himself and several other pictures of he and his orphanage friends on our walls some time later, along with the pictures of our family. He was a part of our world. The fight or flight survival walls began to come down
--our boys put in the movie Nemo, bc that movie was played at the orphanage. We thought maybe that would be familiar and a way in. Our boys brought him a stuffed Nemo, and that did it. The walls were down a bit more, and our 4 sons sat under one blanket on the couch and watched Nemo together. Our son was preparing himself to see our home as his home, too
--the first night having Asher under our roof at bed time. A frightened little boy wanting his bedroom light on, flashlights in his hands and my husband sleeping on his floor until he fell asleep... Exhausted, Asher submitted to sleep. Praise the Lord, our family was complete! Oh, the places you will go.
The last 5 weeks HOME
--the first week home, our boys slept in the basement on cots, because Asher screamed and cried at bedtime every night (at one point, all of our sons were crying for the possible reality that they'd never sleep again or ever be in their own beds, out of sadness that Asher was so scared, out of fear that Asher didn't know Jesus yet to calm his heart - oh the places they will go), or he would get up in the middle of the night. The time change was a difficult adjustment for him. At 3:30am, it was 10:30am in Ethiopia, so he'd turn on all of the lights in the house to play... oh the exhaustion that first few weeks for all of us
--6-vial blood draw, 4 vaccines, and 3 stool samples, BUT a healthy little boy. Per our home study parameters, we would have been okay with a child that had minor correctable health issues, so, praise the Lord that Asher is one healthy child!
--God's amazing hand in creating a little boy's mind to acquire language at a crazy pace each day -- being able to communicate his wants, needs and desires by the end of 4 weeks with us in his broken, cute accented way. With who knows what kind of nourishment Asher received his first few months and years of life, we can ONLY attribute his amazing mind to God's hand in preparing Asher for our family, even in those early years -- truly miraculous
--a child I had prayed for and was called by God to pursue first in my heart and then as a picture and then as a breathing, living, God-created little child, the last 2 years of my life, for the first few weeks home did not trust me nor want anything to do with me. That was tremendously challenging to my ego, to my heart, to my existence as a Mom! Asher bonded so quickly with my husband and our 3 sons, so I could see glimpses of what Asher could be like: sweet, affectionate, cuddly, fun, etc. I only got the cold shoulder, purposeful anger, and very physical behavior - kicking, defiance, screams, and pinching. He also ran away frequently. God, is this the place you want he and I to go? Please help us like one another!
--for the first 2 weeks home, I wanted to quit. I was done being assaulted physically, emotionally and, quite honestly, spiritually. I was home with a child all day long that did not want me, only wanted the people in his life that weren't home at that moment, when I was right in front of him. I felt abandoned and like this was going to be what my world would look like from now on. It was a dark place for both Asher and I, but, for Asher, life got better at 3:30pm each day, when his brothers came home and his father came home shortly after that. For me, it just seemed to get lonelier at that time, because the people that loved me had to nurture Asher's needs, not my own, so... Oh, the places you will go!
--Oh, I prayed over Asher and I, as did so many of you! God had to take me to my knees to gain the strength and lesson that this story, this child, our family of 6 was NOT about me. This is God's story, Sara; it's about Asher; it is about our family of 6; it is about our boys; it is about our marriage; it is about a community of friends and family that has prayed us through the last 2 years. When I released that issue to God's control, our relationship leapt forward from the dark into the light. Praise God how far He took us at that point
--Asher still favors JJ over me (which is so good, since JJ works full time, and I am home with him and can continue working on things between he and I), but, with the remaining week before school started last week, Asher let me: kiss his cheek, put him to bed, dress him, bathe him, make him food other than macaroni and cheese - lol (sounds small but that is a big trust leap), play with him, sit along side of him on the couch, rub his back, take him places in the car, etc. I felt like a mom again - yay! Our relationship is slower to bear fruit, but, even a small taste of that fruit feels AMAZING!
--Asher started school this past week... kindergarten! We are grateful for a Christian school, teachers that understand our situation and Asher's, love on him like we would, and see to his every need. His class and teacher(s) are amazing, and you can just feel and see the love his classmates have for the new guy in class. They are ALL Asher's new friends! We are changing Asher's birth year to make him younger than his birth certificate states, based on a dental exam, a pediatrician exam and our gut instincts about him. Why wouldn't we buy him a year of time, growth, and development, if we can? So, he will do kindergarten this year, and then, he will repeat it again next year - what a gift!
--he can string primitive sentences together; he is excited to see me at lunch to pick him up; he can write "A", "S", and "H" of his name; he can sing the whole ABC song on his own; he can count to 8; he can draw very detailed stick people; he can draw the sun and a kite. I'd say that is a pretty amazing first week of school!
Seeing each family member stretch for God's kingdom in their unique way has been so great to witness. Carson, our 11 year old, for example, who said he felt badly that he couldn't cry at our homecoming at the airport, said (according to his teacher who emailed me this, because I dare say, Carson wouldn't have shared - HA) during a class discussion last week in Bible about the story of Abraham and Isaac, that he knew that God was calling our family to something really challenging and difficult in waiting for Asher, but that the obedience we showed to God in waiting brought us the blessing of Asher!! Oh, the places our children are going for HIS kingdom! Oh.my.word, people, this is good stuff!
Asher runs away less. He is less physical with us. He may sleep with all of his lights on, under his sheets (because that was a warming tactic at the orphanage), and with 2 flashlights, but he kisses us goodnight and stays in his own bed, sleeping through the entire night. He tries so desperately to talk more and more to us each day to fit into our world/his new world. He continues to open up with me, as the walls around both of our hearts crumble slowly but surely.
What an amazing little boy to put behind him his past, with the abandonment of his earthly father and take up residence with his new family that will teach him about his Heavenly Father!! Oh, the places Asher has all ready gone. Oh, the places he will continue to go in God's plan for his life! To God be the GLORY!
Blessings!
--after 45 minutes in a closed garage, our boys trying desperately to coax their brother into their home, our home, with food, stuffed animals and toys, so that Asher would walk into our home of his own free-will; we eventually carried him into our home in our arms, kicking and screaming. He wanted no part, until he saw a picture of himself and several other pictures of he and his orphanage friends on our walls some time later, along with the pictures of our family. He was a part of our world. The fight or flight survival walls began to come down
--our boys put in the movie Nemo, bc that movie was played at the orphanage. We thought maybe that would be familiar and a way in. Our boys brought him a stuffed Nemo, and that did it. The walls were down a bit more, and our 4 sons sat under one blanket on the couch and watched Nemo together. Our son was preparing himself to see our home as his home, too
--the first night having Asher under our roof at bed time. A frightened little boy wanting his bedroom light on, flashlights in his hands and my husband sleeping on his floor until he fell asleep... Exhausted, Asher submitted to sleep. Praise the Lord, our family was complete! Oh, the places you will go.
The last 5 weeks HOME
--the first week home, our boys slept in the basement on cots, because Asher screamed and cried at bedtime every night (at one point, all of our sons were crying for the possible reality that they'd never sleep again or ever be in their own beds, out of sadness that Asher was so scared, out of fear that Asher didn't know Jesus yet to calm his heart - oh the places they will go), or he would get up in the middle of the night. The time change was a difficult adjustment for him. At 3:30am, it was 10:30am in Ethiopia, so he'd turn on all of the lights in the house to play... oh the exhaustion that first few weeks for all of us
--6-vial blood draw, 4 vaccines, and 3 stool samples, BUT a healthy little boy. Per our home study parameters, we would have been okay with a child that had minor correctable health issues, so, praise the Lord that Asher is one healthy child!
--God's amazing hand in creating a little boy's mind to acquire language at a crazy pace each day -- being able to communicate his wants, needs and desires by the end of 4 weeks with us in his broken, cute accented way. With who knows what kind of nourishment Asher received his first few months and years of life, we can ONLY attribute his amazing mind to God's hand in preparing Asher for our family, even in those early years -- truly miraculous
--a child I had prayed for and was called by God to pursue first in my heart and then as a picture and then as a breathing, living, God-created little child, the last 2 years of my life, for the first few weeks home did not trust me nor want anything to do with me. That was tremendously challenging to my ego, to my heart, to my existence as a Mom! Asher bonded so quickly with my husband and our 3 sons, so I could see glimpses of what Asher could be like: sweet, affectionate, cuddly, fun, etc. I only got the cold shoulder, purposeful anger, and very physical behavior - kicking, defiance, screams, and pinching. He also ran away frequently. God, is this the place you want he and I to go? Please help us like one another!
--for the first 2 weeks home, I wanted to quit. I was done being assaulted physically, emotionally and, quite honestly, spiritually. I was home with a child all day long that did not want me, only wanted the people in his life that weren't home at that moment, when I was right in front of him. I felt abandoned and like this was going to be what my world would look like from now on. It was a dark place for both Asher and I, but, for Asher, life got better at 3:30pm each day, when his brothers came home and his father came home shortly after that. For me, it just seemed to get lonelier at that time, because the people that loved me had to nurture Asher's needs, not my own, so... Oh, the places you will go!
--Oh, I prayed over Asher and I, as did so many of you! God had to take me to my knees to gain the strength and lesson that this story, this child, our family of 6 was NOT about me. This is God's story, Sara; it's about Asher; it is about our family of 6; it is about our boys; it is about our marriage; it is about a community of friends and family that has prayed us through the last 2 years. When I released that issue to God's control, our relationship leapt forward from the dark into the light. Praise God how far He took us at that point
--Asher still favors JJ over me (which is so good, since JJ works full time, and I am home with him and can continue working on things between he and I), but, with the remaining week before school started last week, Asher let me: kiss his cheek, put him to bed, dress him, bathe him, make him food other than macaroni and cheese - lol (sounds small but that is a big trust leap), play with him, sit along side of him on the couch, rub his back, take him places in the car, etc. I felt like a mom again - yay! Our relationship is slower to bear fruit, but, even a small taste of that fruit feels AMAZING!
--Asher started school this past week... kindergarten! We are grateful for a Christian school, teachers that understand our situation and Asher's, love on him like we would, and see to his every need. His class and teacher(s) are amazing, and you can just feel and see the love his classmates have for the new guy in class. They are ALL Asher's new friends! We are changing Asher's birth year to make him younger than his birth certificate states, based on a dental exam, a pediatrician exam and our gut instincts about him. Why wouldn't we buy him a year of time, growth, and development, if we can? So, he will do kindergarten this year, and then, he will repeat it again next year - what a gift!
--he can string primitive sentences together; he is excited to see me at lunch to pick him up; he can write "A", "S", and "H" of his name; he can sing the whole ABC song on his own; he can count to 8; he can draw very detailed stick people; he can draw the sun and a kite. I'd say that is a pretty amazing first week of school!
Seeing each family member stretch for God's kingdom in their unique way has been so great to witness. Carson, our 11 year old, for example, who said he felt badly that he couldn't cry at our homecoming at the airport, said (according to his teacher who emailed me this, because I dare say, Carson wouldn't have shared - HA) during a class discussion last week in Bible about the story of Abraham and Isaac, that he knew that God was calling our family to something really challenging and difficult in waiting for Asher, but that the obedience we showed to God in waiting brought us the blessing of Asher!! Oh, the places our children are going for HIS kingdom! Oh.my.word, people, this is good stuff!
Asher runs away less. He is less physical with us. He may sleep with all of his lights on, under his sheets (because that was a warming tactic at the orphanage), and with 2 flashlights, but he kisses us goodnight and stays in his own bed, sleeping through the entire night. He tries so desperately to talk more and more to us each day to fit into our world/his new world. He continues to open up with me, as the walls around both of our hearts crumble slowly but surely.
What an amazing little boy to put behind him his past, with the abandonment of his earthly father and take up residence with his new family that will teach him about his Heavenly Father!! Oh, the places Asher has all ready gone. Oh, the places he will continue to go in God's plan for his life! To God be the GLORY!
Blessings!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
A Whole New World
22 months ago, God placed a call on our hearts... Tomorrow, the final leg of that calling will bear so much fruit, as we finally get to go to Ethiopia to pick up our son and bring him HOME. The time has come. That time is now :)
The 22 months of paperwork, tears, abundant joys, numerous blessings, fervent prayers, God's razzle-dazzle, and the amazing help from so many have bolstered us to this moment! We leave tomorrow... ahhhhh, we are so excited. The hardships of this journey have faded into our past.
There are so, so many that have prayed for us, bought a t-shirt from us, ate a taco dinner with us, bought a piece of jewelry or 2 to help us, donated to our on-line charity, or made out a check on our behalf to our church! We are humbled to be helped by so many by a check in the mail with an encouraging note, young people collecting pop cans, a 6th-grade class choosing our family as a charity they wanted to support, children saving their allowance for months and donating it to us to help us get Asher home. How does one take in that kind of generosity? Praise the Lord, Hallelujah! So many have been the hands and feet of Jesus for us. This humbling support and encouragement and prayer and generosity exists, because we serve an amazingly giving and loving God. We are so grateful to sooooooo many!
We arrive in Ethiopia on Wednesday this week on Ethiopia's New Year's Day... Don't think that is by happenstance, people. That is God's perfect timing for our NEW family, new family in Christ! What we are in store for on the other end with Asher leaving his friends, his homeland, his people, his father and brother, his language, his only real home for the last 6 months, we have no idea, but we do know that God will be in every detail!!
I will get to drop our boys off at school tomorrow morning to say goodbye - tears will flow on that car ride home, I can assure you, but our kids are being tended to by a faithful and loving aunt, which makes leaving that much easier! Our bags are packed full to the brim with not only orphanage donations packed by a sweet college student using her church's kingdom money but also photo albums we are taking to other children at the orphanage who have not yet met their parents. What a blessing we get to be!!
I also packed Asher's first pair of shoes and his first pair of socks and his first blanket and his first set of toys all his own. His baseball cap says USA :) His plane backpack is packed for the way home with all sorts of goodies, and he has a ticket to America - seat 33H!!! He gets a window seat to a whole new world. Praise the Lord!
Please keep praying, prayer warriors, as we begin this new chapter in our lives as a family of 6, and our window seat to a whole new world :)
Blessings!
The 22 months of paperwork, tears, abundant joys, numerous blessings, fervent prayers, God's razzle-dazzle, and the amazing help from so many have bolstered us to this moment! We leave tomorrow... ahhhhh, we are so excited. The hardships of this journey have faded into our past.
There are so, so many that have prayed for us, bought a t-shirt from us, ate a taco dinner with us, bought a piece of jewelry or 2 to help us, donated to our on-line charity, or made out a check on our behalf to our church! We are humbled to be helped by so many by a check in the mail with an encouraging note, young people collecting pop cans, a 6th-grade class choosing our family as a charity they wanted to support, children saving their allowance for months and donating it to us to help us get Asher home. How does one take in that kind of generosity? Praise the Lord, Hallelujah! So many have been the hands and feet of Jesus for us. This humbling support and encouragement and prayer and generosity exists, because we serve an amazingly giving and loving God. We are so grateful to sooooooo many!
We arrive in Ethiopia on Wednesday this week on Ethiopia's New Year's Day... Don't think that is by happenstance, people. That is God's perfect timing for our NEW family, new family in Christ! What we are in store for on the other end with Asher leaving his friends, his homeland, his people, his father and brother, his language, his only real home for the last 6 months, we have no idea, but we do know that God will be in every detail!!
I also packed Asher's first pair of shoes and his first pair of socks and his first blanket and his first set of toys all his own. His baseball cap says USA :) His plane backpack is packed for the way home with all sorts of goodies, and he has a ticket to America - seat 33H!!! He gets a window seat to a whole new world. Praise the Lord!
Please keep praying, prayer warriors, as we begin this new chapter in our lives as a family of 6, and our window seat to a whole new world :)
Blessings!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
God's Refinement
A flurry of wonderful activity has happened over the last several days. We have waited 9 weeks for good news, and we finally got some - in droves...
Beginning Saturday, we began praying for Asher's dad. He had to board a bus for a 2-day bus ride to the capital for the final leg of his part in our journey... the last hurdle to bringing home our son. Because we know this was a long and difficult journey for this man and that he was giving up so much, both emotionally and physically, we kept reflecting on the sacrifice he was making, not putting undue pressure on him to show! We knew He who had set about to do a good work in not only us but Asher's dad also, was going to see that it was complete. We had peace that Asher's dad would show for his US Embassy appointment on Monday, August 19. We prayed that God would begin to heal his heart through this one, last selfless act and this act would touch him always. He could have taken the easy route so many take by just letting his son go out into the world, turn his back, and abandon him; however, God convicted this father to take the hard route by giving up his son, so that he could be in our family. Humbled to be a part of God's convictions and be able to see that God cut a perfect path for us to Asher, however this path may look from the outside :)
Asher's dad showed on Monday, and the embassy cleared our case while we were sleeping Monday night. What a joyous and amazing email to wake up to - AWESOME! We had waited 9 long weeks to hear, "Holwerda Family, your adoption case for Ashagre John Holwerda has cleared!" We submitted 3 dates in which to go back to Ethiopia for our visa appointment with the US Embassy; however, we submitted these dates about 90 minutes before the embassy closed for the day (they are 7 hours ahead of us), so we didn;t think we would hear anything until the next day. We heard back 30 minutes later with our first choice of dates - PTL! WOW! We leave Sept. 9 for a Sept. 12 visa interview and will make it home on Sept. 14. That is 20 days away. To say that we are over the moon excited is an understatement! AHHHHHHH... I may have danced, cried, shaken a little and shrieked a few times aloud. Asher is going to be home on Sept. 14... the perfect path cut just for us to Asher - humbling!
And, just like that, the "labor pains" of the wait, challenges on this journey, the tears, the extra unexpected loss of money to change direction, the fears over ever getting our son home, the 9 weeks in between trips to hear anything, blah, blah, blah, have all melted away into JOY, JOY, JOY!!
I wish I could blog while I run, because I really feel like God speaks to me in that alone time, when I am an open vessel. I set my praise music on low, and I popcorn pray for whatever or whoever comes into my head and into my heart, and God really speaks to me about lessons I need to learn or scripture I need to turn to for strength or in time of need or to praise Him with. Needless to say, I love my time running! This is what I got out of my run with God today...
Being in the "wait" is being in the fire - God's refinement! It is to make us better Christians, brighter lights and more faithful servants in God's Kingdom. We need to be MORE than when we started the adoption process to bring HIS chosen into our families. When we get to this point, God completes that good work He set about to do in us! I am overjoyed that we are so close to getting Asher home, that the process can end, but the lessons God taught us are now going to be put into action with our son, as our family grows and changes around him and with him in it. I am even more joyful that, in the last 2 years of this journey of adoption, our family has been refined. We have been made new in Him. We have grown in our faith. We have become brighter lights. We have served more of God's kingdom than if we hadn't ever been in that fire! That is JOY - Joy in the Lord! He delights in us, and we can honestly say, we have delighted in Him for who He is and for what He has done and will continue to do in us, through us, and because Asher is a part of our family!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, God! Thank you to all of you praying for us, over us, and around us, sending encouraging words, financially supporting us, loving us, letting us cry on your shoulder, supporting us physically, emotionally and spiritually! It has been a beautiful picture to us of God's hands and feet :) Thank you.
Blessings!
I wish I could blog while I run, because I really feel like God speaks to me in that alone time, when I am an open vessel. I set my praise music on low, and I popcorn pray for whatever or whoever comes into my head and into my heart, and God really speaks to me about lessons I need to learn or scripture I need to turn to for strength or in time of need or to praise Him with. Needless to say, I love my time running! This is what I got out of my run with God today...
Being in the "wait" is being in the fire - God's refinement! It is to make us better Christians, brighter lights and more faithful servants in God's Kingdom. We need to be MORE than when we started the adoption process to bring HIS chosen into our families. When we get to this point, God completes that good work He set about to do in us! I am overjoyed that we are so close to getting Asher home, that the process can end, but the lessons God taught us are now going to be put into action with our son, as our family grows and changes around him and with him in it. I am even more joyful that, in the last 2 years of this journey of adoption, our family has been refined. We have been made new in Him. We have grown in our faith. We have become brighter lights. We have served more of God's kingdom than if we hadn't ever been in that fire! That is JOY - Joy in the Lord! He delights in us, and we can honestly say, we have delighted in Him for who He is and for what He has done and will continue to do in us, through us, and because Asher is a part of our family!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, God! Thank you to all of you praying for us, over us, and around us, sending encouraging words, financially supporting us, loving us, letting us cry on your shoulder, supporting us physically, emotionally and spiritually! It has been a beautiful picture to us of God's hands and feet :) Thank you.
Blessings!
Friday, August 2, 2013
We Are Up and Then, Just Like That, We Are Down
Last week, we got submitted to the US Embassy to process Asher's paperwork to become an official American citizen. We were so thrilled that the investigation of our case had ended as quickly as it did. We were elated!! For the first time since we came home from Ethiopia the end of June - 6 weeks ago - I felt like I could picture Asher in our home: playing with toys I had kept out for him, playing basketball and soccer with the boys in the front yard, learning how to ride a bike, jumping on the trampoline, sitting at the table in the 6th-seat that has been vacant at our table for as long as we have had our dining room set, running around with our dog, doing summer things with the family before the back-to-school mayhem, etc. etc. I also felt like we could move forward with getting his room ready for him to come home to. I have dreaded putting together Asher's room for fear it will sit empty and be a constant reminder of our little peanut half way across the world NOT with us... a painful reminder.
We found out this week that the US Embassy in Ethiopia is back-logged and short-staffed right now, which means that paperwork processing has slowed way down. We are, again, in a holding-pattern with our journey to Asher. Ugh! It has been so challenging to go from such high highs and then fall to such low lows. This has truly been the most crazy emotional rollercoaster, sometimes, I think, not for the faint of heart!
We are as patient as we can be. We KNOW God's timing is perfect for both Asher and us. We get the fact that we signed on for a jounrey that wouldn't be smooth at all times, but, that doesn't mean that we like this one bit... this new low! We have asked the "Why us/Why Asher" questions. We pray fervently, not only for our case, but also for so many others stuck like us. We know the end result will be amazing, but it still aches right down to our cores, when these set backs happen!!!
We are waiting for the US Embassy to schedule a parent interview appointment. This is the Embassy's investigation into whether or not Asher is indeed an orphan and can be sent to the US with us in good faith, with the proper citizenship paperwork. We understand that this thoroughness is necessary, but this is just another hoop that delays us from our son, so we don't have to like it. We are looking at at least another month at best before we can hope to go back to Ethiopia. When we were in Ethiopia just 6 weeks ago, we thought Asher would be home this week or the next week! Oh how things can change.
I read a blog on Facebook today that helped put this whole wait in perspective for me to help you understand what we are going through (here are just 4 points that I really think sum up this wait for our family)...
It is entitled: Dear Friends of Waiting Adoptive Moms -- Some Things to Know (To see the rest of the blog, go to: http://wondermentetc.com/)
-- She loves a child she's never met...
It’s possible. So possible. It’s irrational and crazy, but it’s reality. Does she love them like she will once she gets to know them? No. But she loves them. She wakes up loving them and goes to sleep loving them. She drives to the grocery story and aches to have them safe and snug in the backseat waiting for them. She pushes her cart around the store and hears a child cry and her heart pounds wondering if her child is crying? Alone? Hungry? She might even have to leave an entire grocery cart full of food in the yogurt aisle to go home and cry because it just is too hard. Way too hard. (Tru dat... This has happened to me - sorry Meijer employees that you had to put my full cart away!)
-- Her child has been through trauma...
If she’s like a lot of moms she won’t be advertising that fact everywhere because she respects her child’s privacy. But children don’t come to the place of needing a second family because they were placed in a cabbage patch by unicorns and leprechauns. Adoption comes from loss. Loss she will see in her child’s eyes and in their heart. Loss that as a mama can make your soul curl up in a ball for an ugly cry. So don’t tell her the kids are lucky. You wouldn’t tell a person who lost an arm that they’re lucky to have a prosthetic one would you? I mean yeah, they are lucky to have that replacement. But you know what would be luckier? Not losing that arm in the first place. So please be understanding. Also, maybe instead of asking for her child’s story outright ask “are you sharing about his history before you?” That gives her a chance to either answer you or bow out graciously. (The loss part just makes me weep!)
-- She isn't sure they are coming home...
This is the part of the adoption process that makes you want to crawl under your bed and not come out until it’s safe again. This is the part that tears your soul in two. This is the part that you wake up in the morning remembering and going to bed at night fearing. Because there are no guarantees. And that’s hard. No, not hard. It’s gut-wrenching. It’s not just the fear that your child might die before having a family, it’s that this child you love with every ounce of your being might grow up in an orphanage, on the streets, or worse.
-- She looks brave on the outside; she's brave on the inside, too, but she is also a mess...
Which, I think is what mothering and loving is all about. Being a mess. Throwing your love out there and not knowing if you’re ever going to get it back. It’s scary. It’s vulnerable. It feels like you can’t breathe and when you can it hurts to do it. And you don’t want to complain about that because you picked it. So you pick up the pieces of your heart and you keep going. You keep going because at the end of the day what you go through as an adoptive mother is nothing compared to what children go through when they live their life without family. And that’s what this journey is all about.
The highs are amazing, dazzling, miraculous and blessed, but the lows are very challenging and difficult to handle some days! I love a child who is not here, in my arms, and I have nooooo idea when he will be in my arms! This child has been through trauma of the likes of which no child should have to go through, and, as his mom, I can't do anything to help him through it right now and have no idea who is holding him or wiping his tears. It is hard to believe sometimes, with all of our set backs and lows in this journey, that Asher will ever come home. Keeping up the facade of bravery and cheer and strength each day to everyone I know, including our 3 boys, has really wrecked me some days. Is adoption for the faint of heart? I would have to say no, BUT, if God calls you to this, He WILL bring you through it. I know I could not do this alone :) God changes your "faint" heart into one of strength and evolution and love and so much more, when you sign on to love one of His children in this way, but it is not an easy road - awesome road, just not easy!
We WILL be united with Asher soon. We just need to wait for that blessed event a little while longer. We love you, sweet boy!!!
Blessings!
We found out this week that the US Embassy in Ethiopia is back-logged and short-staffed right now, which means that paperwork processing has slowed way down. We are, again, in a holding-pattern with our journey to Asher. Ugh! It has been so challenging to go from such high highs and then fall to such low lows. This has truly been the most crazy emotional rollercoaster, sometimes, I think, not for the faint of heart!
We are as patient as we can be. We KNOW God's timing is perfect for both Asher and us. We get the fact that we signed on for a jounrey that wouldn't be smooth at all times, but, that doesn't mean that we like this one bit... this new low! We have asked the "Why us/Why Asher" questions. We pray fervently, not only for our case, but also for so many others stuck like us. We know the end result will be amazing, but it still aches right down to our cores, when these set backs happen!!!
We are waiting for the US Embassy to schedule a parent interview appointment. This is the Embassy's investigation into whether or not Asher is indeed an orphan and can be sent to the US with us in good faith, with the proper citizenship paperwork. We understand that this thoroughness is necessary, but this is just another hoop that delays us from our son, so we don't have to like it. We are looking at at least another month at best before we can hope to go back to Ethiopia. When we were in Ethiopia just 6 weeks ago, we thought Asher would be home this week or the next week! Oh how things can change.
I read a blog on Facebook today that helped put this whole wait in perspective for me to help you understand what we are going through (here are just 4 points that I really think sum up this wait for our family)...
It is entitled: Dear Friends of Waiting Adoptive Moms -- Some Things to Know (To see the rest of the blog, go to: http://wondermentetc.com/)
-- She loves a child she's never met...
It’s possible. So possible. It’s irrational and crazy, but it’s reality. Does she love them like she will once she gets to know them? No. But she loves them. She wakes up loving them and goes to sleep loving them. She drives to the grocery story and aches to have them safe and snug in the backseat waiting for them. She pushes her cart around the store and hears a child cry and her heart pounds wondering if her child is crying? Alone? Hungry? She might even have to leave an entire grocery cart full of food in the yogurt aisle to go home and cry because it just is too hard. Way too hard. (Tru dat... This has happened to me - sorry Meijer employees that you had to put my full cart away!)
-- Her child has been through trauma...
If she’s like a lot of moms she won’t be advertising that fact everywhere because she respects her child’s privacy. But children don’t come to the place of needing a second family because they were placed in a cabbage patch by unicorns and leprechauns. Adoption comes from loss. Loss she will see in her child’s eyes and in their heart. Loss that as a mama can make your soul curl up in a ball for an ugly cry. So don’t tell her the kids are lucky. You wouldn’t tell a person who lost an arm that they’re lucky to have a prosthetic one would you? I mean yeah, they are lucky to have that replacement. But you know what would be luckier? Not losing that arm in the first place. So please be understanding. Also, maybe instead of asking for her child’s story outright ask “are you sharing about his history before you?” That gives her a chance to either answer you or bow out graciously. (The loss part just makes me weep!)
-- She isn't sure they are coming home...
This is the part of the adoption process that makes you want to crawl under your bed and not come out until it’s safe again. This is the part that tears your soul in two. This is the part that you wake up in the morning remembering and going to bed at night fearing. Because there are no guarantees. And that’s hard. No, not hard. It’s gut-wrenching. It’s not just the fear that your child might die before having a family, it’s that this child you love with every ounce of your being might grow up in an orphanage, on the streets, or worse.
-- She looks brave on the outside; she's brave on the inside, too, but she is also a mess...
Which, I think is what mothering and loving is all about. Being a mess. Throwing your love out there and not knowing if you’re ever going to get it back. It’s scary. It’s vulnerable. It feels like you can’t breathe and when you can it hurts to do it. And you don’t want to complain about that because you picked it. So you pick up the pieces of your heart and you keep going. You keep going because at the end of the day what you go through as an adoptive mother is nothing compared to what children go through when they live their life without family. And that’s what this journey is all about.
The highs are amazing, dazzling, miraculous and blessed, but the lows are very challenging and difficult to handle some days! I love a child who is not here, in my arms, and I have nooooo idea when he will be in my arms! This child has been through trauma of the likes of which no child should have to go through, and, as his mom, I can't do anything to help him through it right now and have no idea who is holding him or wiping his tears. It is hard to believe sometimes, with all of our set backs and lows in this journey, that Asher will ever come home. Keeping up the facade of bravery and cheer and strength each day to everyone I know, including our 3 boys, has really wrecked me some days. Is adoption for the faint of heart? I would have to say no, BUT, if God calls you to this, He WILL bring you through it. I know I could not do this alone :) God changes your "faint" heart into one of strength and evolution and love and so much more, when you sign on to love one of His children in this way, but it is not an easy road - awesome road, just not easy!
We WILL be united with Asher soon. We just need to wait for that blessed event a little while longer. We love you, sweet boy!!!
Blessings!
Friday, July 26, 2013
Dazzled Again -- Baby Steps
After not getting submitted to the US Embassy on July 11, like all of the other families that we had traveled with, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself those first few days of finding out about this crazy investigation of our case by the MOWCYA. We were preparing for the worst... Should we expect Asher home by Thanksgiving? Should we expect him home by Christmas? I had just bought a few pairs of shorts and short sleeve shirts from Meijer for him the week before, so confident that he would be home by summer's end. Should I return all of those things and start looking at winter coats and boots instead?
Needless to say, I was feeling such sadness, anger, and panic about this timing and the unknowns of this investigation... that God's plan was not working out on MY time table. Why us? Why Asher? 'Oh Sara, you are such a flawed woman. Hadn't God just taught you about His perfect timing in ALL things?' I was having a difficult time rectifying these thoughts in my head, because I know what I was thinking was NOT truth!! God eventually settled me back into the "wait" with a few running conversations we had... I love those sweet, meditative times on the open road with just God and I. He told me to remember that He has the perfect date picked out for our reuniting with Asher. It WILL be better than anything we could imagine, so please just take care of each day you wake up... one day at a time... baby steps. This whole adoption process (from beginning to end) is truly out of your control, so just trust in me, and I will give you what you need each and every day you wake up - my mercies and grace will be new every morning! Thank you, God. Again, I am a flawed woman for having such doubt, when I know the truth, but God has NEVER given up on me. Thank you, God!!!
Then, last week, we got word from our case worker that Asher's passport, birth certificate and medical check were performed. Hmmmm? Our case WAS moving forward?! Yes, if the TB test came back negative, we would be submitted to the Embassy on Thursday, July 25. Asher's TB test came back negative on Monday, July 22. We got submitted to the Embassy, so that they can begin the processing of Asher's paperwork for him to become an American citizen - only 2 weeks behind all of the families we traveled with that got submitted on July 11 :) Oh happy day... That email came with immediate butterflies in my stomach. At the perfect, God-ordained time, we were beginning to move closer to our son with baby steps forward!!
After this submission, the Embassy sets up an interview with Asher's dad. For birth parent court back in May, this appointment did not go well, as Asher's dad did not show for 2 weeks, so we are cautiously, hopeful (because nothing more can happen in our case, until this interview is complete), that things will be better this time around. Asher's dad has to get to Addis for this interview by a 2-day bus ride - both expensive and physically difficult. Can you imagine having to go to Florida standing up much of the way, getting no stop in between to sleep in a hotel, and then be packed in like sardines? That is just a little taste of what he has to endure. This is going to be a tough journey... including that this will be his 2nd trip to the city to say again that he does not want his child! I can not imagine...
We are praying for that man's heart. We are praying that he can make this journey on time one more time!
We continue to pray for Asher's heart and his emotional healing, as he makes the journey to America and leaves the comfort and security of EVERYTHING he has ever known to go with us, the strange but nice, white people that are now going to be his family. Oh, what will go through his mind, as we get on that airplane to fly home?! I think constantly of the resilience of children and that God will be filling up his heart for what he needs each and every day, not just while he is in Africa. God will especially do that as he wakes up in his new room under our roof. His mercies and grace will be new for Asher each and every morning.
Maybe you would be willing to pray this prayer over Asher (a dear friend gave it to me, and it is so powerful):
Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for entrusting Asher to us (the Holwerda family) as our (their) adopted child. We declare Asher to be under Your authority. We dedicate this child to you and ask for Your protection and guidance, as we commit ourselves to doing all that we can to lead him to an understanding of Your saving grace. We stand against all devices of Satan that you would keep Asher in bondage. We renounce the sins of this child's ancestors and all curses that have been passed on from generation to generation. We announce that Christ became a curse for Asher, when he was crucified on the cross. We announce that only the Lord Jesus Christ has any claim of ownership on him. We pray a hedge of protection around Asher all the days of his life. We ask this in the strong name of Jesus, who reigns supreme as the sovereign Lord of the universe. Amen
God continues to dazzle us, even through our earthly hardships! Even though we may fall because of our sin and give into Satan's doubt, fear and anxiety about plans not working out or trust that God has this all figured out. God does not condemn us for this; instead, we serve a God that is a God of love, truth, grace and mercy. He never lets you fall completely! He always has our backs, even when we don't feel worthy, because we give into the fear, guilt, or anxiety. To know God has Asher, one of 147 million orphans around the world, in His grip, is so freeing! Thank you, God, for holding firm to Asher in this wait, and for holding us firm as well!
Blessings!
Needless to say, I was feeling such sadness, anger, and panic about this timing and the unknowns of this investigation... that God's plan was not working out on MY time table. Why us? Why Asher? 'Oh Sara, you are such a flawed woman. Hadn't God just taught you about His perfect timing in ALL things?' I was having a difficult time rectifying these thoughts in my head, because I know what I was thinking was NOT truth!! God eventually settled me back into the "wait" with a few running conversations we had... I love those sweet, meditative times on the open road with just God and I. He told me to remember that He has the perfect date picked out for our reuniting with Asher. It WILL be better than anything we could imagine, so please just take care of each day you wake up... one day at a time... baby steps. This whole adoption process (from beginning to end) is truly out of your control, so just trust in me, and I will give you what you need each and every day you wake up - my mercies and grace will be new every morning! Thank you, God. Again, I am a flawed woman for having such doubt, when I know the truth, but God has NEVER given up on me. Thank you, God!!!
Then, last week, we got word from our case worker that Asher's passport, birth certificate and medical check were performed. Hmmmm? Our case WAS moving forward?! Yes, if the TB test came back negative, we would be submitted to the Embassy on Thursday, July 25. Asher's TB test came back negative on Monday, July 22. We got submitted to the Embassy, so that they can begin the processing of Asher's paperwork for him to become an American citizen - only 2 weeks behind all of the families we traveled with that got submitted on July 11 :) Oh happy day... That email came with immediate butterflies in my stomach. At the perfect, God-ordained time, we were beginning to move closer to our son with baby steps forward!!
After this submission, the Embassy sets up an interview with Asher's dad. For birth parent court back in May, this appointment did not go well, as Asher's dad did not show for 2 weeks, so we are cautiously, hopeful (because nothing more can happen in our case, until this interview is complete), that things will be better this time around. Asher's dad has to get to Addis for this interview by a 2-day bus ride - both expensive and physically difficult. Can you imagine having to go to Florida standing up much of the way, getting no stop in between to sleep in a hotel, and then be packed in like sardines? That is just a little taste of what he has to endure. This is going to be a tough journey... including that this will be his 2nd trip to the city to say again that he does not want his child! I can not imagine...
We are praying for that man's heart. We are praying that he can make this journey on time one more time!
We continue to pray for Asher's heart and his emotional healing, as he makes the journey to America and leaves the comfort and security of EVERYTHING he has ever known to go with us, the strange but nice, white people that are now going to be his family. Oh, what will go through his mind, as we get on that airplane to fly home?! I think constantly of the resilience of children and that God will be filling up his heart for what he needs each and every day, not just while he is in Africa. God will especially do that as he wakes up in his new room under our roof. His mercies and grace will be new for Asher each and every morning.
Maybe you would be willing to pray this prayer over Asher (a dear friend gave it to me, and it is so powerful):
Dear Heavenly Father, we thank You for entrusting Asher to us (the Holwerda family) as our (their) adopted child. We declare Asher to be under Your authority. We dedicate this child to you and ask for Your protection and guidance, as we commit ourselves to doing all that we can to lead him to an understanding of Your saving grace. We stand against all devices of Satan that you would keep Asher in bondage. We renounce the sins of this child's ancestors and all curses that have been passed on from generation to generation. We announce that Christ became a curse for Asher, when he was crucified on the cross. We announce that only the Lord Jesus Christ has any claim of ownership on him. We pray a hedge of protection around Asher all the days of his life. We ask this in the strong name of Jesus, who reigns supreme as the sovereign Lord of the universe. Amen
God continues to dazzle us, even through our earthly hardships! Even though we may fall because of our sin and give into Satan's doubt, fear and anxiety about plans not working out or trust that God has this all figured out. God does not condemn us for this; instead, we serve a God that is a God of love, truth, grace and mercy. He never lets you fall completely! He always has our backs, even when we don't feel worthy, because we give into the fear, guilt, or anxiety. To know God has Asher, one of 147 million orphans around the world, in His grip, is so freeing! Thank you, God, for holding firm to Asher in this wait, and for holding us firm as well!
Blessings!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)